Take Me Home
by runyoucleverboy-remember
Summary: Whoufflé AU: Clara and the Doctor have both lost people they needed. By a chance meeting, Clara goes home with the Doctor. Little does she know, her life will never be the same again. Rated M for swearing and smut
1. Beginnings

It was a cold, dark night. The rain poured down in buckets and everyone was in their homes. The streets of London were, for once, empty. The rivers raged through their currents, not caring for what was in the way. On an empty bride, by the edge of the city, a girl was curled up crying. Barely anyone passed by her, and those who did turned a blind eye. She was drenched through to the bone but didn't seem to care. Her tears flowed down her face for a few hours before they finally came to a halt. But even then, she didn't move. She stayed with her legs drawn up to her chest and her head resting on them. All she wanted was for her life to be normal again, but they never would be. At least here, no-one cared about what she was doing and she could be alone.

He sat in the bus stop on the cold night. He'd been there for a few hours now, not waiting for a bus, but sat still. He just stared out into the distance. He looked at the raging river and wondered how it would feel if he got lost in it. He wasn't crying though. He was just alone. After about an hour of sitting, he noticed something move on the bridge nearby. It was hard to focus his eyes through the stormy winds but he defined it was definitely someone. _Better get out of the rain quick_, _it's freezing_ he thought to himself. He diverted his attention somewhere else but after half an hour, the person still hadn't moved. Surely they would be half frozen to death by now. It was the middle of December and freezing outside, but still raining. He stared for a few more minutes at the person before deciding to approach them. He stood up slowly and ran across the road, to the edge of the bridge. _This is probably a bad idea_ he thought, but he carried on walking towards them. As he got within a few feet of the person, he noticed it was a girl. She looked quite young, only about seventeen or eighteen.

She looked up from her knees to see a figure standing in front of her. Her first instinct was to scream, but she was too cold to do anything.

"You okay?" The man asked her. He crouched down to talk to her and rubbed her arm gently. She didn't know why, but she suddenly felt much safer around this total stranger.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just want to be left alone." There was no mistaking the Lancashire accent in her voice. And as convincing as she tried to make it, she clearly didn't sound fine. Her teeth were chattering and although she hadn't noticed much before, she _was_ freezing.

"It's freezing out here and you're not wearing much. You need to go home." The man was worried about this girl. He felt like he needed to take care of her. "I'm the Doctor, what's your name?" He asked, in hope for her trust.

"The Doctor? What's that code for? What kind of drugs you sell? Well piss off, I aint interested." She was stubborn but this didn't stop him from trying.

"Actually it's a nickname. My friend's called me it because I was always good at everything at school and my actual name sucks, big time." He laughed this off and she slightly did too.

"Oh so you're a genius then?" Her teeth were chattering and he was now drenched too, which didn't make him happy. But it was nice to see she had a sense of humour.

"Actually, yes I am." He was tempted to stick his tongue out at her but didn't want to seem like a five year old.

"Nice to know. I would call myself one too, but I can't seem to find a way of saying it, that sounds modest and tiny bit sexy." This made him smile a lot and her smile grew as well. A bolt of lightening stuck above them and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself, like protection. "Clara, my name's Clara." She suddenly came out with.

"Nice to meet you Clara. Do you want me to take you home? Or I can call a taxi if you..."

"No." She suddenly shot at him. For the first time, she looked into his eyes. She looked terrified of that idea and it was almost as if she was pleading for him to help her find another solution. "I don't want to go home."

"Look, Miss Clara. It's freezing out here. You look like you are about to catch your death and you shouldn't be out here alone in the middle of the night. There are dangerous people out there."

"What, like you?" She was getting quieter and quieter by the minute. He started to get a little scared for this poor girl's health.

"Please, you need to go somewhere warm." She didn't reply to him, but instead looked away and seemed to curl up tighter, if that were even possible. "You can come to mine if you'd like, I live just around the corner." He felt like it should be wrong inviting a stranger into his home, but then again, he was the creepy sounding one in this situation.

"Could I?" She suddenly looked hopeful. She didn't know why this sounded like a good idea but she knew it would be better than going home.

He nodded and stood up, extending his arm for her to take. It took her a bit of time to get up and when he felt her hand, he knew just how cold she was. He quickly pulled it into both his palms to try and warm it up.

"You don't have to do that." She was looking down to her feet, almost ashamed. He didn't understand why this strange girl had allowed herself to get into such a state.

"My flat is just around this corner. Come on." He gave a friendly smile and put his arm around her to help her walk. He hoped it would give her a little warmth so she had some strength to make the journey back to his.


	2. Unusual Ways

**The idea for this fic came whilst I was listening to songs on my phone. I mostly have musicals on there, but I have a few pop songs that are all emotional or tell a story. I'll say at the beginning or end of each chapter which songs inspired it. Some won't have but some will. For the first chapter, the song that "birthed" this fiction, was I'm With You by Avril Lavigne. Backed up by one of her other songs, Nobody's home. So check them out guys :D Thanks for all the views and amazing comments on this! It means so much to me! Enjoy!**

* * *

He switched on the light to his small flat and took the girl inside. It wasn't too warm in there but it was a reasonable temperature. He was so glad he had tided up earlier so he didn't look like a slob. Clara immediately collapsed onto his sofa then stood up again. "Sorry, I forgot I was wet." She looked really embarrassed and he wanted to give her a hug to tell her it was okay, but they had only just met.

"Don't worry about it. You'll probably want some dry clothes? I can give you some of mine and I'll put yours in the dryer?" He knew she was tired but didn't want her to stay so drenched, in case she got sick.

"Yeah please. Thanks" She was very timid and shy all of a sudden. He quickly walked to his bedroom and grabbed a huge shirt and boxers and ran back to his front room to hand them to her. His flat only had a living room with a kitchen in it, one bedroom and one bathroom. It was enough for him and only him. He never had any company, so it was fine. She took the clothes from him willingly. For the first time since they met, he got a chance to actually look at her. She was very small and had dark brown hair that was soaking wet, along with the rest of her. Her mascara was smudged, but this didn't stop him seeing her huge brown eyes stare up at him. For the first time in a year, he felt really attracted someone and it happened to be this mysterious girl. He suddenly noticed she was staring at him and he snapped himself back to reality.

"Oh, you'll want to get changed won't you! Sorry, you can go into the bedroom just through that door over there or I can leave." He'd just made himself seem extremely awkward but it made her smile. Even though she was a mess, her smile still made his heart glow. She seemed like the kind of girl who, even when she is feeling as low as she can get, can still make others happy.

"I'll go to the bedroom." She left for just a few minutes. He tried to set up his dryer, but in honesty he rarely used it. He had tried to use it when he first bought it, but after a while he had given up and started going to dry cleaners. He was messing with buttons for so long, he didn't realise Clara was standing behind him. She gave a cough to tell him she was there and he jumped back in surprise.

"Um Clara! Yes, you can put your clothes in here, when I figure out how to work this thing." She tutted and put her wet clothes in the machine, then pressed all the necessary buttons. It was obvious she had done this many times before. "Maybe that's how you do it." He muttered. She giggled at him and looked up.

She suddenly got all shy again and turned her head away. "Um, do you want me to sleep on the sofa?" She walked over to it and started moving cushions.

"No, you don't have to! You can stay in my room." He felt like she needed it more than him. Besides he rarely slept anymore.

"What with you? Down boy." He blushed bright red and stuttered for a moment.

"Of course not! I'll sleep in here."

"Don't be silly. It's rude of me to come into your home and take away your bed..."

"No, I don't sleep much. I tend to sleep in here anyway watching the TV." He nodded, to confirm what he was saying."

"Ok, if you're sure..." She really hated being a burden on people and she only just realised how much she was being right now.

"I'm sure." He gave her a smile that made her heart melt. He was strangely attractive. Apart from the fact his chin could poke someone's eye out, he looked really nice. He had a goofy smile that made you feel safe, like you were home. She quickly turned away to the bedroom.

"Thank you by the way." She turned back to face him but realised he was closer to her than before.

He jumped back once more upon realising their close proximity. "Oh, I thought you'd want a towel to dry your hair." He held out a yellow towel in front of him and she took it thankfully.

"Goodnight Doctor." She smiled.

"Night Clara." He gave her a kiss on the cheek which made her go bright red. She returned it with a quick hug. It was a strange exchange for two strangers but he had just saved her from getting pneumonia and she was extremely grateful for his aid. She knew she was going to have a good sleep that night, knowing he would there when she woke up.

* * *

Clara woke to a start. She looked at the time. It was 9.38 am. She had missed school, but it wasn't as if she was going to go anyway. She sat up and looked around, suddenly remembering last night's events. She rubbed her eyes. She had remembered to wipe the mascara off last night so she didn't look like a complete wreck when she woke. The shirt and boxers she was wearing were far too big for her, but she didn't mind. She got out of bed and walked towards the living room, to find the Doctor. She saw him watching TV, like he said he would. Only as she got closer, she noticed him only wearing basketball shorts. He had quite a muscular chest and she noticed a fair amount of muscle in his arms. She felt herself blush again. She had never felt attracted to anyone like this before and she hoped it would wear off soon.

"Hi." she murmured, in slight hope he wouldn't hear her. He turned around and smiled at her. She wasn't wearing any make-up any more and he found her utterly breath-taking. _No, they didn't know each other. She's just pretty, that's all._

"Hi. Do you want breakfast or...?" He wanted to be polite. He didn't want to be the stranger that let her stay for one night and then forgot about her. He wanted to get to know her. This was the only person he'd had the slightest conversation with in a year, if you exclude people at checkouts in shops.

"I'm good thanks." She interrupted. "I should really get going. I don't want to burden you any further." She walked over to the dryer to collect her clothes.

"You're not burdening me. You don't have to go you know." He was trying his hardest not to beg her but he felt like he was doing a bad job of it. "I mean, do you want to go home?"

"Not particularly." She whispered. It was obvious that the thought of going home made her upset. He wanted to see if he could put his once-good counselling skills to some use. Though he had had enough counselling in his life to not even be trained anymore.

"Then stay here. Unless you have somewhere to be?" It occurred to him that she might not actually want to get to know a stranger.

"No. I'd like to stay." It was probably the most awkward conversation Clara had ever had with anyone, but she didn't mind. She got her clothes on from yesterday and gave the Doctor back his, before sitting down next to him on the sofa to watch TV.

"Clara, I don't want to be intrusive at all, but why were you on that bridge last night?" The Doctor asked a short while later. Clara took a sharp intake of breath. She didn't want to talk about it but felt like she should. After all, he had accommodated her and been so kind when she hadn't deserved it.

At her long silence he immediately spoke up again. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to..."

"No, it's fine." She quickly stuttered, "Um...It was a year since my Mum had died." He shivered when she said that. He knew immediately what would have happened to her Mother, the Gallifrey shooting.

The Gallifrey shooting was an attack at a shopping centre in London, at rush hour. Some guys pulled out machine guns and shot down everyone around, before they shot themselves. It was one of the biggest disasters the country had faced in a long time. And it was two weeks before Christmas, so there were lots of children killed who were buying presents.

"My Dad refused to visit her grave with me. He told me that...That she isn't here anymore so, so she doesn't matter. We got into a huge fight." Clara continued. She was choking on her words and it was obvious that she really didn't want to say it out loud.

"So why were you on the bridge?" The Doctor immediately kicked himself for asking that. He didn't want her to speak more than she wanted to. He knew how it felt to have people making him talk about his "problems," like they'd actually know.

"I guess, I didn't want to do it anymore." The Doctor caught his breath in his throat. Did she mean what he thought she did? He felt a pang of guilt in his stomach and a wave of relief that he had spoken to her the night before. "I just wanted my Mum and she wasn't there. But I got scared. I'm such a coward..."

She trailed off and couldn't finish. The Doctor saw a tear fall from her eye. He quickly grabbed a tissue and gave it to her.

"Thanks." Clara whispered. "Sorry, you didn't need to know that." She hid her face from him in shame and wanted to get up and leave. She had just told this stranger more about her life in five minutes than she had any counsellors that had tried in the last year.

"Hey. Don't cry." He turned her face to his and wiped away a tear. If anyone was to walk in on them now, it would seem like they had known each other for years in this extremely intimate situation. "Clara. You are not a coward. You are so brave for carrying on. Life is sometimes the harder choice."

She was in full scale sobs now. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. She rested her head on his chest. The doctor could help but think how it fitted so perfectly there.

"I'm sorry..." Clara felt like she should leave but found herself curling up to the Doctor even more.

"My friends died too." The Doctor hadn't spoken about this in year, but he felt he had to. After all, she had trusted him and maybe he needed to speak out rather than lock it in. It took him a few moments to regain his voice, by which point Clara's eyes were trained on his face. "They were in the Gallifrey centre. My best friends, Amy and Rory. And my Girlfriend, River. They were everything to me. The only family I really knew. My parents died when I was a child so I was an orphan, but Rory's family took me in. That's how those two met, Amy and Rory, I mean. And River, River was Amy's cousin. They all went Christmas shopping. If there was any way I could change what happened that day, I would. I lost everything. I call myself the Doctor because that's what Amy used to call me when we were little. No-one ever really used the nickname until River refused to call me anything else. She was my first and we thought we'd be together forever. I was sat in that bus stop because I was waiting to be hit by the bus. Guess I got scared too."

He still managed not to cry, even once Clara cupped his face in her palm. She then rested her head back to where it was before and clung onto him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She wasn't sure whether she was apologising for his loss, intruding on his home or cuddling up to him, even though they barely knew each other.

"Me too." He whispered back. They remained silent until Clara fell asleep on his chest. He didn't see any point in moving her. He stroked her hair out of her eyes and kissed her head. He felt awful for feeling attached to this girl. He vowed he would never love again after River, but this girl was defying everything he knew about life.

* * *

She woke up later in the day and he cooked her lunch. At least attempted to. He had next to no food in the flat, so they ended up eating beans on toast. They brushed off the earlier conversation, and spent time getting to know each other. He learned that she was in year 12 and had just turned Seventeen, whilst he was in year 13 and had turned Eighteen that September. They were both genius' that no longer attended school, much because they had given up on it. It made them laugh to know how similar they were. It was their respective families they now seemed to be keeping from each other, but neither minded. They both couldn't help wanting to be near each other as much as they could be. When it started to get dark, which was only about 4pm because it was Winter, Clara borrowed the Doctor's phone to make a call.

_"Hi, Dad it's Clara_"

"_Clara. Where the fuck have you been? I have the police out looking for you. I thought you were dead. You get back right now."_

_"Dad I'm fine, I'll be back later..._

_"Now. You better have a fucking good explanation to where you've been."_

_"Not like you actually care."_ This was a mutter and she had hoped he'd miss it.

_"What was that? You get back here right now missus."_

Her father ended the call there and Clara threw her phone at the sofa, making sure it didn't break, because that would be one more thing her dad would kill her about. The Doctor had heard the conversation and didn't want Clara going back home alone. He wanted to explain to her Dad where she'd been but she was already leaving before he could say anything.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. Thank you so much though. Talk again soon, yeah?" Before he could even reply, she was running out of the door.


	3. Waving Feather

**Wow! Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! I am stunned by how many people like the story! It means so much to me! Thanks especially to copiesofclara and Loverly Souris! You guys have given such amazing reviews! Also clara-oswald-whoufflegirl on tumblr! So, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**For songs: Falling Slowly from Once the musical, listen to the Broadway cast recording! It's a lot slower and really beautiful! This and a lot of the other chapters were mainly inspired by the song Dancing by Elisa. Most people haven't heard it but it has such beautiful lyrics and is also really hard to sing! But if any of you guys are singers, I'd really advise trying it :)**

The Doctor spent the next few days thinking about Clara. He was worried about how much trouble she had gotten into. He wanted to talk to her, but she had left without giving him her phone number. He feared they would never see each other again which pained him. He kept trying to forget about her, but he just couldn't.

* * *

A knock on the door made him snap out of his daydreams. It had been six days since his encounter with Clara. No-one ever went over to his home. He had been lying down on his sofa, wrapped in a blanket, as it was eight in the evening and freezing outside. He reluctantly stood up and opened the door. He was almost knocked over by Clara who wrapped her arms around his neck. He could hear her crying and he pulled her into his flat, shutting the door quickly to shut out the cold. She stayed clinging to him and cried onto his shoulder.

"Clara? Clara, what happened?" The Doctor was extremely worried about her and hoped she was okay. She carried on crying, even once they were sat down and he was holding her in his arms. _To warm her up,_ he told himself.

"My Dad, he kicked me out. Said I'm a waste of space. I tried to get my phone so I could call my Nan in Blackpool and stay with her, but he took it off me and I don't know her number. I'm the only one who calls her to check she's okay. I don't know what I'm going to do." She started repetitively murmuring her last words over and over, getting more and more frantic each time she said it.

"Clara, don't worry. It's all gonna be okay." He whispered. She was in almost hysterics and he was worried she was going to have some kind of attack.

"How is it?" She yelled back. "I am now homeless in the middle of December without anywhere to go!"

"Then why did you come here?" The Doctor smiled a little at the thought in his head.

"I...I..." She was lost for words. She knew why she had gone to his flat, but hadn't actually thought about it until then. "I was kind of, um, I was hoping I could maybe stay here? I know it's silly..."

"Of course you can." The Doctor smiled at Clara who's tear stained face had a new glimpse of happiness in it. "As long as you need to. Clara it's fine by me." He pulled her close to him. The girl, whom he had now met twice, was going to stay with him. No, _live_ with him. _Just as a __flatmate__, _he reminded himself

Her crying stopped and she hugged him close. Her heart skipped a beat when he kissed her forehead. They stayed quiet for a while. Clara didn't know how to thank him enough. She just knew that Christmas might be better than she'd bargained for, this year.

* * *

"Oh crap. I have no clothes." Clara moaned. She was in the bedroom whilst the Doctor was in the living room.

"What?" the Doctor exclaimed. It had been a day since Clara had "moved in" without any of her belongings. This comment had caught him off guard and he unintentionally started thinking of things he probably shouldn't.

"I left all my clothes at home...I mean, my Dad's." After a few moments of thinking, Clara ran out of the bedroom wearing the shirt and boxers the Doctor had given a few days prior. She brushed right past him and dived for her Jacket which was on the back of the sofa. The Doctor didn't particularly care for tidiness and nor did Clara. She signalled that she had found what she was looking for with a cry of "yes!"

"What?" The Doctor repeated his earlier self, still confused. His brow unfurrowed when he saw Clara holding a credit card in her hand.

"It's my Dad's. His spare. He never notices it's gone. I just need to extract the money, ditch the card and go shopping." The Doctor's face showed obvious shock and panic. "I mean, it's not stealing! He's still going to get child benefit for me when I don't live there. This is pay back if you like." The Doctor looked completely shocked. He did not want to get caught stealing. Well it wasn't stealing exactly but he was highly sure it was illegal.

"Clara..."

"I'll pay for some food and stuff you need too, Doctor! You need to actually get something in here." Clara stared at him for a few moments. "It won't kill you!" She threw up her arms for emphasis. He felt incredibly unsure about the whole ordeal but followed Clara to the ATM. When nothing came up blocking the card, Clara extracted £500. They went on a quick shopping trip to Primark, where Clara bought cheap essentials. She figured that seven outfits would do, as she could wash them throughout the week. She gave the Doctor some money to get a head start in ASDA. They were going to cheap shops, so as to not waste money. She didn't want him to know that she had paid a little more money that she budgeted for on her underwear. She felt cheap wearing simple stuff and wanted to impress the Doctor. _Although there was no way he would ever see that. They were just friends. Just friends that are extremely attracted to each other._

She paid at the till and went to the supermarket to see how the Doctor was doing. She finally found him in the confectionary aisle. He had stuffed the trolley to the brim with Jammie Dodgers.

"No way!" she shouted at him, making everyone turn around. He looked baffled.

"Wh..."

"We are getting actual food! No wonder you have no money if you go out and buy crap like that! Come on!" She emptied all the Jammie Dodgers back onto the shelf.

"No!" he cried as she put the last one back. "Can I have one?" He pouted at her and she melted inside.

"Fine." She pushed the trolley away as he picked one up like a giddy four year old.

"They're buy one get one free!" He looked as if he was about to jump up and down with excitement. She had been less embarrassed when the kids she once babysat tried to look up her skirt in public. They were only six but she never forgot the humiliation.

"Doctor. Get here, now!" She was trying her hardest not to laugh at him skipping down the aisle at the same time as dying from embarrassment. She thought he was meant to be the responsible one. It took them nearly two hours before they finally paid. She bought enough supplies for two months, including Christmas dinner. It was only a week away and she was unsure of what to do for it. She had bought the Doctor a present of course. It would be impolite not to after all he had done for her.

* * *

One night, before they went to sleep, Clara and the Doctor curled up on the sofa. Clara had been thinking a lot about her Mum. Her Father had never really told her what happened in the shooting. He had attended the court cases after. She only knew tiny amounts of it.

"Do you remember the trial of the third shooter?" Clara randomly asked the Doctor. His eyebrows shot up upon hearing the question.

"Hmm?"

"In the shootings. I mean, you know what happened right?" Clara and the Doctor had tried not to talk about this subject, but Clara felt like she should know more than she did.

"Yeah, I know what happened." The Doctor whispered. He closed his eyes, knowing this was going to be a hard conversation.

"Everyone forgets about that third shooter. Maybe because he didn't have a machine gun, I don't know. He had a normal gun so didn't kill as many. He was the bastard who killed my Mum. Funny how he was the only survivor. Didn't have the balls to kill himself. The police said they knew it was him 'cause of the different bullets." Clara sounded quite vicious when she spoke about this man.

"But didn't the trial say he was some bystander. He knew the shooters, I think. His prints were on the gun that they shot themselves with. They gave him the gun during the shooting, that's how his prints were on it. He ran and hid behind a pillar, dropping the gun. They then used it to kill themselves." The Doctor's voice barely changed tone and Clara knew he was trying to block his emotion out.

"Yeah right." Clara murmured.

"What do you mean?" The Doctor sat up slightly.

"He happened to be one of the only survivors and his prints were accidentally on a gun? He's a murderer as much as the other two." Clara's voice was cold. It held a hate that the Doctor had never heard in her voice before.

"He could have been telling the truth."

"Why don't I believe that? Dad said the third guy got away with no sentence and police protection. Shows how bad the police force are. If I ever find him, I'll kill him."

"Clara, don't say that." The Doctor sounded extremely sad all of a sudden and Clara felt a tiniest bit guilty for it. "You're better than him." He added shortly after.

"Sometimes, I don't know if I really am." Clara fell asleep on the Doctor's knees a bit later, but he didn't have the heart to move her from her peaceful sleep.

* * *

It was two days before Christmas. Clara was out seeing a friend. She had bumped into her in the streets and they had demanded she go over to their house later. The Doctor felt incredibly lonely without her. He had taken her afternoon away to buy her a Christmas present. It was nothing much, but enough to say thank you for being a good flatmate for the last week . He hadn't felt so much at home in a long time and he found it wasn't an unwelcome feeling. In fact, he didn't find any feelings he had around Clara unwelcome. He just wasn't sure what to do about them. He looked down at the present in his hand. _It wasn't enough._ He wanted to give Clara something special. He knew what he had to do. He just hoped he could accomplish it in time before Clara got back.

Clara didn't want to see her friend. She was forced over for tea because she "missed her" and was "worried about her skipping school." She didn't really care about that, she had the Doctor. _No, she didn't have the Doctor. He was just a friend. _Every day she had to do a trick, don't fall in love. And every day it was getting harder and harder to do. She wasn't sure if she could keep it up much longer. Before entering the flat, she tried to breath calmly and do the trick once more. Upon entering she was pulled into a tight hug by the Doctor.

"Doctor...?" She was a little confused. He jumped back with a phone in his hand.

"Someone wants to talk to you." He chirped. He handed the phone to Clara and she took it cautiously.

_"Hello?"_

_"Clara!"_

_"Nan! What? How?"_

_"You're boyfriend called me up. Said you wanted to speak to me. I'm sorry that I'm not going to see you this Christmas, love. Oh, he also gave me your new address which I'll send your presents to..."_

_"Nan, you really don't have to..."_

_"I've already bought them Clara so there's no going back now."_

Clara giggled at her Grandmother. It meant the world to her that the Doctor had done this.

_"Oh and Nan, He's not my boyfriend. We're just friends."_

The Doctor's smile faded slightly and he tried not to show it. Of course they were just friends. That is all they could ever be.

_"Of course he's your boyfriend sweetie! The way he says your name is adorable! I remember what it was like to be in love when I was your age. Did I ever tell you about the time when...?"_

Clara stopped paying attention for a while. It was nice to speak to her Nan, but she was more worried about the fact that the Doctor had disappeared from the room. She heard the bedroom door shut and assumed he wanted to give them privacy. But she just couldn't she the feeling that something was wrong.

By the time she ended the call, the Doctor had gone to the kitchen to make dinner.

"That was an amazingly kind thing you did for me." Clara said as she walked over to hug the Doctor. "Thank you so much!"

"No problem, Clara." He said in a hushed tone. He was making Fish Fingers and Custard _again._ Clara had to admit that it wasn't a bad meal, but it seemed to be all this man ever ate. That and Jammie Dodgers.

"I was just wondering, how did you get her number?" Clara looked up at the Doctor who diverted his attention to stirring the custard.

"I looked in the phone book." He murmured.

"And you just happened to find the Kathleen Ravenwood from Blackpool without any defaults?"

"I may have called a few wrong numbers..."

"How many?" Clara wanted to know how much effort he had put into this. It meant a lot to her and she wanted to know what it meant to him.

"I'm not sure. It took about an hour before finding her..." He was mumbling in the hope that she'd stop asking questions.

"An hour?" Clara stared at him in disbelief. "For me? Why did you do it?"

"I guess I wanted to make you happy. You've been a little sad lately." It was probably the worst explanation he could think of it in that moment.

"Is that it?" Clara felt her heart drop with his answer. She had hoped it was because he felt something for her.

"Yeah." Clara was a little upset, but she tried not to show it.

"Well thank you. It meant everything to me." She stood up on her toes to give the Doctor a kiss on the cheek, but he turned his head and she caught his lips instead. They both froze for a moment, but they left their lips there longer than necessary. Clara pulled back with a look of shock on her face. They were both silent for a while.

"I'm gonna..." Clara started before coughing and trying again. "I'm...um...gonna go back to...the room. Yeah, I need to sort out my new phone."

She ran off quickly leaving the Doctor frozen on the spot. He smelt his fish fingers burning but ignored them.

She didn't know why she'd ran off. Oh yeah, because he had just said he didn't care for her and then they accidentally kissed. She felt so humiliated. She wanted to cry into frustration. She had never loved anyone like she loved the Doctor and she didn't know what to do about it. Wait, no, she didn't love the Doctor. Did she? She knew she did inside. The feeling of rejection made her curl up into a ball and fall asleep as a shield against crying. She didn't want to cry over this. She shut her eyes tight and traced her fingers over her lips. She could still feel the Doctor's on hers and wanted them back there more than anything. Little did she know that the Doctor was in the room next door, feeling the same way.


	4. Bittersweet and Strange

**Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! I am so shocked! It means so, so much to me! There is smut in this chapter, so if you don't like that then don't read it. I want to thank allmytawdryquirks from tumblr for giving me loads of advice and help with that! I'm awful at writing smut and this is my first attempt so sorry if it sucks. Thank you also to copiesofclara and The twenty third of November, who have given such amazing reviews! **

**Now, I'm not a fan of one direction but I love their song, little things. So this chapter was kinda based on that, along with the song Heaven- candlelight mix by DJ Sammy. I heard it a while back as a tribute thing and it's so beautiful. :D**

* * *

It was Christmas eve. The Doctor and Clara had gone out ice skating and for long strolls all day. It had finally snowed and the two were enjoying themselves. After a long, exhausting day, they collapsed on the sofa, curled up to each other. It had always been a tradition of Clara's to stay up until midnight on Christmas eve, and the Doctor promised to do it with her. They seemed to be quiet a lot around each other. Clara felt like she was more able to think when she was next to him.

"Clara, I never asked." the Doctor stuttered out of the silence. "Do you have a boyfriend?...I mean someone you date or, or just a friend you, or, Um..." He stopped from a lack of words to say.

Clara smiled up at him. "No I don't have a boyfriend. I mean, who would want to date me?" She said it so calmly but the Doctor was immediately concerned.

"What do you mean?" He couldn't think of anyone who wouldn't want to date Clara.

"Well, I'm not exactly girlfriend material. I'm a know-it-all who has a slightly fucked up life at home with a weird face. Oh and I'm chubby so...Besides, all the guys at school are dickheads." She seemed to laugh off what she said.

The Doctor laughed too but felt a need to correct her. "You know that being a genius is extremely sexy. And if they don't like you for who you are, fuck 'em." It still entertained Clara when the Doctor swore. It seemed funny coming from his mouth. "And you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, Miss Oswald. And your face is definitely not weird. Oh, and you are definite not chubby. You are perfect. Anyway, I'm glad all the guys at your school are dickheads, they don't deserve you."

Clara felt a warm run through her at these words. She wasn't thinking when she carried on speaking though. "Those dickheads, I would never date anyway. I refused to shag one because he's a cocky little git, so they told everyone I'm frigid. Apparently refusing to lose your virginity to arseholes is a crime now." Clara turned bright pink at her words. The one time her mouth is connected directly to her brain, she comes out with that. She would usually say something like that to one of her friends, but she had just said it to the Doctor.

"Fuck. Ignore I ever said that!" Clara begged, but the Doctor couldn't.

"So, you're a virgin?" The Doctor was slightly teasing but it confused him as well. She moved out of his arms and curled into a ball a the other end of the sofa

She hid her face in her hands. "Yes." she whispered. Almost instantaneously, she stood up and ran to her room. He didn't know what had come over her but he knew better than to disturb her right now. It puzzled him how a girl like Clara could be a virgin. He assumed every guy would be after her. Then again, knowing Clara, she wouldn't have sex with someone she didn't like, just for the sake of it. He kept on wondering about it into his sleep.

* * *

He awoke with a start to someone tapping his shoulder.

"Hey." Clara whispered down at him, while he rubbed his eyes. She was now wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms, which she had bought when they went shopping.

"Hey." He replied groggily. "What time is it?"

"It's quarter to twelve. I wanted to wait until midnight to sleep, but I thought...I don't know..." She murmured on for a moment before finding what to say. "Would you like to wait with me?" Her eyes looked hopeful, and he wasn't going to refuse her.

He patted the sofa next to him and she curled up on his shoulder. They remained quiet for a while.

"Clara, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," the Doctor suddenly spoke, "but, why did you get so upset earlier?" Clara swallowed twice before replying.

"I thought you'd think that I was a stupid little kid." She looked to the side like she always did when she got upset or embarrassed.

"Why would I think that? I think it's a smart decision." He said and stroked her arm soothingly.

"Can we...not...talk about this?" He stayed quiet a little longer. He noticed that the clock said there were only two minutes to go until Christmas.

He knew that it was now or never.

"Clara." She turned to face him and he grabbed her hands in his. "Ever since I first met you, I've felt this want, this _need_ to around you. I kept telling myself that my heart didn't flutter every time you'd smile or I didn't go crazy every time you'd touch me. But after a while it got to a point where I couldn't lie to myself anymore. Whenever you're in the room, I can't stand being far away from you. I called your Nan the other day because it pained me to see you so upset and I would do anything to see that beautiful smile of yours. And I know you probably won't ever feel the same way, but as it's almost Christmas, I'm going to be really cheesy and ask if I can kiss you, just once. Then you never have to again. Because I like you more than I've ever liked anyone before, Clara. I know we barely know each other, but I can't help feeling this way. So, what do you say?"

Clara froze for a moment. Did he just say he liked her in that way? She felt like everything was perfect. One minute before Christmas, and the person she had a ridiculous school-girl crush on, just admitted he feels the same way. After a few seconds, she realised he was waiting for an answer.

"Doctor." She whispered. She didn't know what to say, so instead, pulled him in for a kiss. Their lips crashed together and They pulled themselves closer to one another. Her lips moved perfectly in synch with his. Clara immediately granted his tongue access into her mouth and moaned at the feel of it. They broke apart when they heard the bells of the nearby church ring.

"Merry Christmas Clara." The Doctor giggled.

"Merry Christmas Doctor."

In a flash, Clara was underneath the Doctor. He was kissing down her neck and pulling her closer to him.

"Doctor..." she gasped as he nipped at the sensitive spot between her neck and her shoulder. "You're not doing this because you feel sorry for me, are you?" She was struggling to get out her words.

The Doctor stopped momentarily. "Clara. I've wanted this ever since you first smiled at me." Clara waited a moment before nodding and allowing him to continue.

The Doctor felt that the sofa was too small, so he picked up Clara in his arms, kissing her as well, and made his way to the bedroom. He pushed Clara down onto the bed, forcefully yet loving, beneath him. He kissed her again, allowing her to remove his shirt. He lifted her top off and sucked one of her breasts. She moaned at the feel of it. He moved his hand underneath her bottoms and slipped two fingers inside of her. She arched her back in pleasure and let out a throaty moan.

"I almost forgot how tight you'd be." He whispered. "God you're so wet." He pulled off his jeans and boxers and threw them onto the pile of clothes on the floor. All Clara's fear had fallen away. All she wanted was to be joined with this man. His fingers slowly thrusting made her want him more than ever. As he looked into her eyes, he saw the lust that was probably reflected in his.

"Clara, I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna hurt a bit, but I'll take it slow. I want you, forever." He removed his fingers and sucked them. He then grabbed a condom from the bedside table, which Clara didn't realise he had, and rolled it onto himself. When they joined at first, Clara let out a small groan of both pain and pleasure. It was unusual feeling but she found herself succumbing to it. He thrust slowly into her at first, gaining speed each time. Eventually the pleasure took over her whole body and the only sounds exchanged were the sound of each other's names in their cries. The thought of the Doctor inside her alone was nearly enough to send her over the edge, but soon Clara felt stars explode around her and she cried out the Doctor's name. He shortly followed after, clinging to Clara like a lifeline.

It took a while for their breathing to slow down. Clara lay on the Doctor's chest as he stroked her hair and whispered words of love. She fell asleep curled up against him, her back in his chest. She fitted perfectly there, like it was meant to be. Both of them had never felt happier in their lives


	5. Let Me Feel

**Wow! 1500 views! Thank you so much! And nearly 30 followers! You guys are the best! Nice little fluffy chapter for you. So no drama, just the Doctor and Clara being cute :) But don't worry, plenty of hurt later. **

**One song that fits this chapter is What Makes You Beautiful- the boyce avenue version. It really gets the meaning of the song. **

**The other one is one I heard in a shop the other day and it gave me a mini- blast from the past. So that's Bleeding love by Leona Lewis.**

**So enjoy guys! :D**

* * *

Clara woke slowly. She looked around. As she noticed her naked self, she recalled the events of the night before. A grin spread across her face before she quickly realised the absence of the Doctor. She sat up a little quickly, giving herself a slight headache. It passed soon enough and she grabbed one of the Doctor's shirts to put on. The night before had been the best night of her life. It wasn't how all the movies made it out to be, but it was still perfect for her. She walked into the living room, to see a tree lit up with presents underneath. She'd forgotten all about it being Christmas.

"Okay, where did that thing come from?" She spoke loudly, to make the Doctor, who was doing something in the kitchen, jump and turn to face her.

"What thing?" He was wearing a dressing gown that was hanging loosely and Clara found it extremely hot. He turned back to what he was doing. From the smell, she could tell he was trying to cook.

"That big glowing tree in the middle of the room! It wasn't there yesterday!" Clara had moved nearer to it, to admire it's beautiful ornaments.

"Oh yeah!" He was being extremely over-the-top sarcastic. "It's an old one I have. Kept meaning to put it up but kept on forgetting. Thought it'd be a nice present."

Clara turned towards the kitchen, to see him approaching her with a plate that contained a full English breakfast, none of it burnt.

"Wow." Clara gasped. "What's this for?" He placed the plate down on a mini coffee table in the room and walked towards Clara.

"Merry Christmas Clara," he smiled and pulled her into a kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist and his dressing gown fell loose. She had forgotten that he hadn't put on any underwear under the robe was wearing.

"Clara." The Doctor whispered in between a kiss.

"Yes." She whispered back, still forgetting. She then felt his erection dig into her thigh and mouthed an "oh."

"As much as I want you right now Clara, I just made breakfast and I wouldn't want to have burnt my finger for nothing." He stuck his tongue out at her as she pulled back off him, and made her way to the table.

"Did you burn your little ickle finger?" She put on a high voice to make fun of him. He pulled an over-dramatic, sad face and nodded slowly. "Here, let me kiss it better." She teased. He plant two kisses on each finger of his hand. "Better?" She smiled.

"Much." He grinned back at her and signalled for her to take a seat on one of the mini stools by the table. She ate her dinner very quickly. She was excited to give the Doctor his present.

"Do you mind if I go and get something?" Clara asked the Doctor nervously. She felt like it would be rude to leave all of a sudden.

"Clara, you don't need to ask." The Doctor laughed and she ran off to the bedroom. It took her a good two minutes to dig his present out from under the bed. She just hoped that it would be enough.

As she approached the tree, the Doctor was nowhere in sight. She assumed he had gone to the bathroom. That was when Clara saw the sticky note on the table saying:

_My favourite biscuits belong in the..._

She knew he wanted her to use this as a clue. She hated treasure hunts but it was sweet and she wanted to do it, for the Doctor. She made her way to the cupboard where the Jammie Dodgers belonged. She found a note inside that read:

_I keep all my boxers in..._

Clara walked off to the bedroom and opened the draw where the Doctor kept his boxers. She found another note after a while of rummaging.

_I'd rather go to the dry cleaners but..._

Clara laughed slightly and walked back through to the Dryer. Inside it was one last note.

_You are the star that shines the brightest_

Clara stood confused for a moment but then remembered the Christmas tree. Luckily for Clara, the tree was only 5ft 5, so she only had to jump once to grab the tree off the star. Inside the tree, she found a small box of earrings. They had red jewels in and Clara stood gaping at them. No-one had ever given her something as beautiful as that. Clara didn't hear the Doctor enter the room. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her ear, "Do you like them?"

Clara remained silent for a moment to regain her power of speech. "They're beautiful." She was in shock. She almost didn't notice the Doctor pick something off the tree. She managed to snap back her attention to see him unclip a locket. He clipped it around Clara's neck and kissed it gently. Clara looked down at the locket in even more shock than before. She felt like anything she gave him would be stupid compared to all this.

"I, I can't accept all this." Clara whispered. The Doctor carried on kissing her neck, although she was still only half registering it.

"Of course you can." The Doctor murmured. He turned around to her around to face him and planted a kiss on her lips. "You deserve them."

"But they will have cost so much. You need the money more and..."

"I don't need any money." The Doctor said. "The locket is to put pictures of people in. I thought your Mum, because then you'll know that she's always with you. And the earrings, so you remember this Christmas. That's why they're red."

Clara had tears welling up in her eyes and when she blinked, one slowly fell. The Doctor wiped it away with is thumb and cupped her face. "This is the most amazing thing. How could I ever forget this Christmas? It's been the best few weeks of my life."

She grasped his shoulders and kissed him slowly, gradually gaining more passion and lust. Clara wasn't sure when they'd moved over to the couch, or when her and the Doctor's little clothing had come off. Her only interest was the man kissing her and she didn't want anything else. For the second time that day, they got lost in each other.

Clara opened her eyes. She was half- on top of the Doctor's chest, where he seemed to be sleeping. Clara hadn't remembered going to sleep after, but she obviously had. Looking around at her surroundings, Clara laughed at the fact they hadn't even made it to the bedroom. She continued to rest her head on the Doctor's chest, unwilling to ever move. She lifted her hand to stroke his tangled hair, gently out of his face. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled sheepishly down at Clara, who grinned back up at him. Clara had to admit that the second time was much better than the first. For starters, it was less painful and they had gone at a much faster rate. It made Clara's heart warm to think about how delicate he had been with her though, both times. His eyes never left hers, except when they were shut. Even now, he was lightly caressing her shoulder and planting gentle kisses on forehead. It made Clara feel extremely..._loved_. For the first time in a _long _while, the Doctor and Clara both felt like they were wanted and needed. They needed each other, and they both knew it. Clara slightly lifted herself up, to plant a small kiss on the Doctor's lips. It was almost a _thank you_ kiss, though she was unsure for which of many things she was thanking him for.

"So, has this been the best few weeks of your life because of me or was it just the sex?" The Doctor teased. Clara rolled her eyes.

"Of course it was just the sex!" Clara had thought she had sounded extremely sarcastic, but the look on the Doctor's face showed that he hadn't interpreted it that way. "Doctor, I was being sarcastic!"

"Oh." The Doctor looked a little embarrassed. "I've never been too good at detecting sarcasm. Sorry." Clara kissed both his cheeks, that were a little red and then re-captured his lips.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" She handed the Doctor a box wrapped in Snowmen paper. He opened it to see two bow-ties there. "I just thought they'd suit you. You seem like a bow-tie kind of guy. Careful, the red one flashes and sings!" The Doctor clicked the button like a child and started bobbing his head up and down to the music.

"How did you know? I love bow-ties! Bow-ties are really cool!" Clara laughed at the Doctor's childish behaviour. She had a boyfriend who was as romantic as Romeo but had the mental age of a five year old. She was sure that the rest of her Christmas day was going to be very eventful, indeed.


	6. How Far We've Come

**Sorry for this really short chapter! But it is essential to the plot! I didn't intend it to be so short but I didn't want to make it longer for the sake of it. 2000 views?! That's mental! I'm so happy that so many people have read this! It means so much to me! School has just re-started so I might be writing extreme quantities at the week-end. It should be fine but just in case not, you know. **

**Songs: So Close by John McLaughlin- it's about being completely in love with someone and being extremely close but at the same time, being a million miles apart.**

**I'm going to say this one because it's so cheesy it's cool: I wouldn't change a thing from camp rock 2. May seem stupid because of the film it's from, but it's a beautiful song and has an amazing meaning :)**

**The texting at the beginning doesn't have much punctuation because I suck at punctuating my own texts and didn't think they would :)**

**Enjooooy!**

* * *

*Bleep*

Clara was woken by her phone receiving texts. She turned to the clock. It was 6am. She made a loud groan and rolled over to reach for her phone. It took a few tries of stumbling as she was still half asleep. She finally wiped her eyes and read the messages on her phone. They were all from her friend, Martha. Martha was the one who had dragged Clara back to her house, so they could talk. She had managed to get Clara to give her, her new number, on the condition that she didn't tell it to anyone at school or Clara's father.

_Hey Clara! I know you wont really care but school restarts today. Just in case you were planning on going any time soon. Talk soon okay? Text me if youre coming hon xx_

Could school really have restarted already? She had completely lost track of the date and after a while of counting, realised it was January 6th. She had no intention of going back to school, and it would take her at least an hour to get there, even if she started getting ready now.

_Im not gonna come. Cant be asked and really dont care. Besides, I dont wanna wake the doctor. Sorry xo_

Clara rested her head to go back to sleep. She was almost fully gone when her phone went off again. She made a small noise of irritation, cautious not to wake the Doctor.

_You still havent told me what this doctor dude is like! I mean, sounds like a creep with a name like "the doctor" Is he fit? Is he good? Have you and he "done the deed" ? xx_

Clara had forgotten that her friends knew she was a virgin. She really didn't want to say anything, knowing that it would cause Martha to pester her about it, but if she didn't she'd get a lecture on why she should.

_Well hes got lots of muscle. Hes more handsome than fit, Id say. And just so you know, yes we have "done the deed"_

Clara turned her phone on vibrate and held it in her hand, not wanting any more loud bleeps. She then got a sea of messages come through.

_OMG. Did you like it? Was he good? Was it his first too?_

_Who initiated? What did he say? Was it romantic? Was it sexy..._

Clara gave up reading half way through and just chose to reply one last time.

_It was perfect. He was romantic, christmas eve over midnight. Now fuck off, Im tired and want to sleep._

She hoped that this conversation would now end as she was exhasted and couldn't be bothered to keep her eyes open much longer.

_OMG that sounds perf! See you soon, dont get so stressy! Bye! xx_

As Clara shut her eyes to finally sleep, she no longer felt tired.

"For fucks sake," she mumbled under her breath. Something Martha had mentioned seemed to bother her. It suddenly occurred to Clara that she didn't even know the Doctor's real name. Why would he not tell her his name? Scary thoughts started to creep into Clara's head. She was overwhelmed by the sudden realisation that she barely knew the man who was lying next to her. She couldn't turn her head to look at him, in fear that he wouldn't be the same as before. She needed air to rid of her of the awful pounding in her head. She threw the covers off her naked form and sat, her legs dangling off the side of the bed. She was slightly curled over, her arms pinned to the bed by her sides. She shut her eyes and tried to calm down her mind. Her peace was interrupted by the feeling of someone fingers, gently tracing up and down her spine. At the feeling of his touch, she lightly shivered.

"Clara, are you okay?" The Doctor asked, concerned.

Clara didn't answer for a small section of time. She wasn't sure how to answer him.

"Who are you, Doctor?" She finally asked.

"What do you mean?" The Doctor sat up and edged towards Clara, laying his hand flat on her back in a comforting motion.

"I know nothing about you. Where do you come from? Where are you going? What brought you here? "I don't even know your name." Clara sounded like she was frightened more than anything else. She had surrendered herself to a complete stranger, before knowing a single thing about him.

The Doctor removed his hand to place on his lap. He open his mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words.

"Clara." He said sadly. "I don't know where I'm from. I told you when we first met that I'm an orphan, didn't I? I grew up with Rory, here in London. I wanted to be a traveller. But, my life was torn apart, _that day._ And, Clara if you'd checked my post, it's addressed to John Smith."

"That can't be your real name. You wouldn't not tell anyone that. Why do you hide who you really are?" Clara turned to face the Doctor and stared him in the eye. He saw her worry in her eyes and knew that he shouldn't lie. Then again, he didn't need to tell her everything.

"I hide who I am because that person is not me. My name is legally John Smith now. Who I was before, doesn't matter. I'm different now. But if you ask me, John is a really crappy name, so please call me Doctor."

Clara wanted to know who he was before, but looking into his eyes made her feel safe once more. She lay back on the bed and he held her, her back curved into his chest. He pulled the covers over them for warmth, and held Clara tight.

"By the way, I always wanted to travel too." Clara whispered. He smiled, placed two kisses on the back of her neck and closed his eyes. Clara drifted off to sleep, still curious about all the answers he'd given her, that just made more mysteries.

He lay awake, holding his Clara. He wondered if she'd ever find out who he really is. He prayed that she never would, so she'd never hate him. He needed Clara more than anything in the world and he didn't know what he'd do if she wasn't there.

"I love you Clara." He whispered, when he thought she was asleep, "so much more than you'll ever know."

He closed his eyes but snapped them back open when Clara replied, "I love you too chinboy."

Now she knew that he loved her and she felt the same. The Doctor hoped that they'd never stop feeling this way. But sometimes, all your worst fears can come true.


	7. Say It's Just Pretend

**Can I just say, almost 200 views?! Did I mention how much I love you guys because I really do! I think this is my favourite chapter that I've written so far!**

**Songs: Tell Me It's Not True from Blood brothers, Cry by Alexx Calise and No Way Out by Phil Collins. (If you listen you them in that order after reading them, you'll see where they fit in) **

**It's a sad chapter. Hopefully extremely heart breaking. I cried whilst writing but then, it was 4 in the morning so I might have just been tired :D Enjoy!**

The Doctor was extremely happy. Clara had been living with him for just over two months. He'd never felt so stable before. He felt like he didn't need to worry about anything when Clara was around. He would never be thankful enough for the day he met Clara and took her home. His whole life completely flipped, but in a good way. He was no longer alone, and would never need to be. Although, they barely had any money and Clara couldn't get a job because she was meant to be at school, finishing her qualifications. The Doctor often wondered if he should talk Clara into going back to school. He didn't want her to end up with a bad job when she was older because of him. But if he even so much as tried to mention it, Clara would change the subject. She mostly didn't want to go back to school because it was too close to home. Everyone there knew about her past and if she went back now, they'd all fuss over how much school she'd missed. She was sure she'd still be top of the class, but the coursework she'd have to do would take long hours after school and she couldn't be particularly bothered with all the stress.

* * *

It wasn't so cold outside anymore, and Clara liked to go into the city and take strolls. She'd always preferred being surrounded by noise, that wasn't aimed at her, to think than peaceful, quiet surroundings. She finally felt like she was somewhere she belonged. She'd always felt like she wasn't in the right place before, but now she felt at home. With the Doctor, everything was okay. Although, she still didn't know his real name. He said it was legally John Smith, but the name is the one you're presented at birth. Not some fill in that changes who you are. She also wanted to know why he'd change his name to something like that. And why he wouldn't speak about his past life. It was like he'd done something or seen something he wish he hadn't and his past name held that. Clara could never think of the Doctor doing anything dangerous. Maybe it was protection from someone or something? But Clara couldn't see the Doctor who would be in that situation. Her thoughts would drown her often and she'd have to get away from the flat. When the Doctor was near her, she forgot everything and became overwhelmed in how much she loves him, but when he wasn't in the room, Clara would be scared that he'd come back a different man. A side of him that she'd never seen. But she would never ask the Doctor anything about it. She was too scared and she didn't want him to dig up old memories. If he wanted in the past, she knew how he felt. Easier to move on than bring it up all the time. Although, Clara knew for a fact that it would eat him up inside more that way. The same thing had happened to her.

* * *

The Doctor heard a banging at his door. Clara must have forgotten a key again. When he looked to where she usually hung them, they were gone. He frowned for a moment until he heard another knock, this time more violent. This was definitely not Clara. He paced towards the door and opened it slowly. He peeped through the edge, so the person outside couldn't get in. He saw a tough man standing in the doorway, looking extremely angry.

"Where's Clara?" He asked calmly, but he looked about ready to punch the Doctor's face.

"What's it to you?" The Doctor replied. He had no idea who this man was and in honesty, he scared him a little bit.

"Because she's my daughter and I know you've been hiding her here. What've you been doing to her, ey?" He got more angry with each word.

"I'm sorry but Clara's not here." The Doctor tried to shut the door, but the man wedged his foot in front of it, so he couldn't. He then kicked the door wide open with his other leg and grabbed the Doctor by the front of the shirt. The Doctor may have been slightly taller than him but he was definitely stronger.

"I know who you are. You piece of fucking scum. I don't want you ever touching my daughter ever again. Do you hear me? You don't go near her. Because I swear to God, I will kill you." The Doctor was frightened of this man but didn't want to show it. But he didn't want to be violent. If Clara's Dad knew who he really was, there was no doubt he'd tell Clara if she didn't go home. But she didn't want to go and no-one could force her.

"Clara's out. She went for a walk. I haven't hurt her in any way, I promise. I would never hurt her. I love her." His last words received him a punch around the face. The Doctor fell back onto his sofa from the force of the punch. Clara's father leant down and grabbed his shirt once again.

"Don't you dare say anything about fucking love. You don't know the word! You will never know what it is to love someone. I wish you were dead. But you don't deserve that. I will make sure your life goes so shit that you wish you were never born."

"I already wish I wasn't born. Please. Please, I'm begging you, don't tell Clara." The Doctor could let Clara go but she knew that she'd hate him forever if she found out.

"But you don't have the guts to tell her yourself, do you? You've always been a coward. Getting the easy way out, well not anymore. You will never see Clara again. You won't try to contact her. If you see her in the street, you move away. It will be like you never existed, do you hear me?" The Doctor nodded twice. Clara's Dad released the Doctor's shirt so he could relax, but before he left, he kicked the Doctor hard in the stomach, leaving him winded. The Doctor wasn't going to report the attack though, because he deserved it.

* * *

Clara saw a car pull up fast beside her. She turned to face it for a moment, to see her Father aggressively slam the car door shut and make her way towards her. Clara was so grateful they were on an empty street as she'd been making her way home.

"Get in that car, now!" He spat at Clara. "You get in that car right now, young lady!"

Clara wasn't afraid of her Father. She was definitely not going to do as he said. "No. I don't need to. You kicked me out, remember?" Clara was angry that he'd managed to find her.

"Clara, do as I say." He grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards the car.

"Get off me! For fucks sake, get off me!" Clara screamed. She pulled her arm out of his grasp and stared him straight in the face.

"You need to come home right now. You're not safe." He bellowed. A few people had started turn to stare on the street corners.

"Not safe? The only danger I have is you!" Clara shouted at him.

"That bastard you've been living with. He's dangerous. You need to stay away from him."

"You don't even know him! What danger does he present to me huh? He's gonna take away my innocence? Well Dad we've been having sex for months so it doesn't really matter anymore!"

"You think you know him? Tell me then, what's his name?" Clara stuttered for a moment.

"John Smith."

"That what he tell you huh?"

"That's his legal name now."

"And you know his name before that then?" Clara went silent for a moment. She hated being taunted in a fight, especially by her Dad.

"Yeah, I thought not. He's a murderer Clara. He killed loads of people. If you don't believe me, go ask him yourself. Go and ask him his fucking name."

* * *

Clara started running towards the Doctor's flat. This couldn't be true. The Doctor would never hurt a fly. He was not a murderer. He just wasn't. But Clara was unsure now. She knew barely anything of his old life and why he changed his name. She opened the door, to find it unlocked. As she entered the room, she saw a few things knocked onto the floor and the Doctor facing the wall.

"What happened here?" She asked quietly. The Doctor turned to face her. Half of his face was black and blue and he looked a mess. Clara dropped her bag and ran up to him, to start trying to check he was okay.

"Your father came over and let's say, we had a chat." Clara looked up at him lovingly. It pained him to know that in a few moments, she'd never see him the same way again.

"Did he do this to you? I'm gonna kill him." Clara whispered angrily.

"Yeah, but I deserved it." Clara froze when he said this. She prayed that what her Dad said wasn't true. She pulled her hands to the side and looked down.

"My Dad, he um. He found me in the street. He told me...He told me that you're, you're a murderer. That's not true is it? You, you haven't killed anyone, have you?" Clara was shaking and on the verge of tears, so was the Doctor.

"Clara." The Doctor said slowly. She took a large intake of breath, anticipating the worst. "Clara, the name before I was John Smith. The name I had...My name really is...it's..." The Doctor couldn't get it out. He decided to lean forward and whisper it into her ear. As he leant back, Clara had tears streaming down her face.

"No. You can't be! No, no you're lying. Please, you can't be him, you can't! You would never do that, you wouldn't, you wouldn't..!" But as Clara stared into his eyes, she realised it was the truth. He was a murderer. But he wasn't any murderer, he was the man who had killed Ellie Oswald. The Doctor had killed her mother.

The Doctor picked up her hands and her breathing grew more and more rapid. She gradually got angrier and angrier. "Clara, you need to listen to me, I didn't do what you think I did. I didn't..."

"Get off me!" She snapped her hands out of his and stepped as far back as she could from him. He was crying aswell and the only sound in the room was their rapid breathing. "Don't touch me!"

"Clara please..."

"You're a sick bastard. You know that? I don't even want to see your face ever again!"

"Clara, no..." He stepped towards her but she stepped back, looking angrier and more hurt than he'd ever seen her.

"EVER again! I wish I'd never met you. I wish you were dead! I wish I was dead."

"Please, Clara. Just listen to me! The Doctor shouted as she ran out of the door.

She ran as far as she could. It was getting dark and it was raining outside, like it had the night they'd met. _How dramatic_, she thought to herself. How could this be true? The only man she'd ever loved, was really the man who had killed her Mother. She wanted to go back to the morning, when she'd been happy. When things were different. But nothing was actually different back then, she just hadn't known about it. He'd lied to her about it. Her whole world had turned upside down and she didn't know where to go. She found herself at the bridge where she'd met the Doctor, wanting her Mum more than ever. The water below was flowing heavily. The currents were extremely strong and anyone who went in would probably be sucked under. She stared over the edge a few times, letting her tears join the flood. By now, it was dark and thunder raged in the sky. Clara just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. She couldn't take the pain anymore. She had nothing left. She had meant it when she told him that she wished he was dead. She also meant it when she said she wished she were too. Clara made her decision to walk to the middle of the bridge. No cars were on the road and no-one was walking the streets. As she reached the centre, she climbed over the edge of the barrier. She leant forward slightly, allowing the rain to drip down her face, as she held on to the bars to stop herself from falling. She still felt like her whole world was ending. This was the only way she could see, that would stop the pain. She closed her eyes and jumped into the raging water. As she landed, she was hit by a huge wave. Her instincts to survive kicked in and she tried to re-surface, but found she couldn't. _I'll just drown_, she thought. She didn't want to ever be found. She just wanted to be forgotten. The water her threw her around from side to side and she couldn't get any air. The water was freezing and she felt herself go slightly numb. She'd always had a fear of drowning, ever since she was a child. She used to have nightmares that she died on the titanic, and now they felt like they were coming true. Planks of wood were floating in the water from the trees. The river was higher than she'd ever seen it before and she was in it. Her body was thrashed around by the currents. Being hit by another wave, she fell under the water and hit her head on a rock. Her mind started to relax and everything went black.


	8. I Could Not Mention

**You guys are AMAZING! I love you all from the depth of my heeearrrt! Such amazing reviews. I honestly can't think of what to say to them! Take Me Home was trending on twitter earlier- let me say, I did not name it after a 1d song! I didn't even know it existed! It's from I'm with you, "Isn't anyone trying to find me, won't somebody come take me home?" For this chapter, I want to make it clear that Clara was not in her right mind in the last chapter and feels extremely different now. I'm not downgrading what she did in anyway, it'll be resolved in later chapters though! I just wasn't sure if it'd be clear :)**

**Songs: Flowers for a Ghost by Thriving Ivory. Beautiful song that 3 **

**Enjoy!**

Clara's head hurt. Everywhere hurt. She felt like her body was aching from head to toe. She opened her eyes to see where she was. She was wearing a hideous gown. She heard a monitor bleeping and from the smell, she was definitely in a hospital. Why was she in a hospital? She then remembered jumping. But she couldn't remember ever hitting the water. The blanks in her memory made her heart go slightly faster for a moment, causing a nurse to walk over and check on her. She saw Clara was awake and ran over to another nurse to tell her something.

"Clara." A nurse walked over to where Clara was in a bed, hooked up to some monitors. "Do you know where you are?"

Clara nodded slightly. "Yeah, yeah I'm in a hospital."

The Nurse started writing down notes. "And, do you know why you're here?"

Clara nodded but this time she didn't reply. "Clara, could you tell us?"

Clara didn't want to speak. She looked around for someone, but no-one was there. "Where's my Dad? Is my Dad here?" Clara had tears at the bottom of her eyes. Clara hadn't wanted her Dad in over a year, but she really needed him right now.

"Clara, your Dad is here, but I need you to answer my question."

Clara tried to sit up. "I need to talk to my Dad, where is he?" Her throat was sore and it was thick with the threat of tears.

"Clara, you can talk to him once you answer my question. Do you know why you're here."

Clara swallowed before she answered. "Because I jumped." she whispered. The Nurse started writing down a few more things.

"Okay." she turned to the other nurse nearby. "We need to do a medical examination, but I think she's fine. Then move her to ward 9 if there's no problem. Once she's up there, the doctor's will give her a psych evaluation and judge how long she'll be on watch for. Allow her father to come in."

Clara heard her Dad's voice behind the curtain. "Clara. Is she awake? Can I see her?" She was sure she'd never been happier to hear his voice.

"Clara?" He asked as he stepped inside of the curtain that was half surrounding her bed.

"Dad?" She whispered.

"Clara, oh my God." He pulled her into a hug and began sobbing on her shoulder. "Clara, I thought I'd lost you. Don't you ever do that to me again."

Clara was crying and she felt so guilty. "I'm sorry Dad."

"Don't you be sorry. This isn't your fault. You don't need to be sorry for anything."

"But it is. It's all my fault, all of it." Clara's dad, Dave, shook his head. He knew she was blaming herself for everything.

"Nothing is your fault sweetheart. I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm sorry for being so horrible to you." Clara hugged her Dad tighter. She'd never been so close to him before, but she still loved him. They were interrupted by a Nurse come in. She removed the catheter Clara had and did a small medical examination. Clara discovered that she'd hit her head. According to the paramedics that got there, someone had pulled her out of the water and performed CPR. They didn't get a good look at them before they ran off. Clara owed her life to a stranger. She couldn't think why they'd run, but maybe they didn't want the stress of being thanked. Clara had been comatose for around thirty-two hours. They'd managed to call her Dad after identifying her who had been with her ever since. Dave still didn't know what had happened at the Doctor's flat, but he didn't want to bring it up. Once Clara had been entirely examined, she was moved onto ward 9, which was on a different floor, in a wheelchair. She knew that this was the psych ward. There was going to be all sorts of questions and she'd probably be watched the whole time. Clara hated the thought of not having any privacy.

"Hi. I'm nurse Flint, but you can call me Jenny." The Nurse on the ward introduced herself. "Now, Doctor Vastra will have a chat to you in this room over here for a bit and then I'll be looking after you for a bit." She had a cockney accent, but seemed cheerful. Clara flinched when she said Doctor and she recalled the incident at the flat. Dave was forced to wait outside as Clara sat opposite a woman in a small chair. She looked very stern and serious. She gave Clara a glare that instinctively made her feel small. Clara had to recall all the details of the situation before she jumped. She tried to avoid telling anything about who the Doctor really is. She only briefly mentioned him. Luckily, they were more concerned about her state of mind than the circumstances. She had to recall what made her feel like jumping, but she didn't really say anything. She felt fine now and didn't want to be treated like a psychopath. She then was asked questions about how she felt now. Some questions seemed very random and pointless but Vastra took clear notes of them. Once she was dismissed, she was taken to a mini-room that had a bed and two chairs in. All around, were mostly clear windows and no privacy at all. She sat down on the bed and lay back. It was half risen, so she didn't have to lie completely down. The nurse from earlier, Jenny, came in and sat down on one of the chairs.

"Hiya love." She smiled sweetly. "I'm gonna be your nurse while your here. I'll be with you most of the time. You should only be here about a week or so, this is just to check you're..."

"Not going to kill myself. I'm on watch. I'm not stupid." Clara replied quietly. She felt like everyone around her was being edgy and staring at her. It was the most uncomfortable feeling she'd had in a while.

"I know love, but watch sounds a little creepy if you ask me." Clara smiled slightly and face her head towards Jenny. This nurse was obviously trying to be nice, but she was still cautious of saying too much just in case it "set off the patient."

"Yeah it does. If it helps, I promise I'm not going to kill myself on your watch." Clara smiled but Jenny bit her lip. Clara knew she really shouldn't make jokes about this kind of thing, but she wanted to come off as sane. She had no idea what had come over her that night.

"Or anyone elses!" Jenny laughed back, trying to maintain the conversation.

"Yeah, or theirs. Look, I'm not crazy! I don't see why I have to be here for so long." Clara moaned. Clara could barely remember the way she felt before her jump, but she was sure she'd never feel that low again. It was a feeling Clara was sure she never wanted to live through.

"I know you aint crazy love, but we have to keep you safe. It could be worse. You could be stuck with an 'orrible nurse who don't talk to you." Jenny smiled and Clara felt like she was going to be a little happier there than she was before.

* * *

Dave went home, knowing Clara would be there everyday. But he attended every visiting hour, came as soon as it started and left as late as he could. Clara wasn't allowed to leave the room she was in, but there wasn't really anywhere to go. She wasn't even allowed to go to the bathroom unassisted. She tried to sleep when Jenny wasn't with her, because the other nurses were all incredibly dull. She learnt that Dr Vastra is Jenny's wife. She enjoyed the company of the other Doctor, Dr. Strax. He would give her a check up on her health each day. He would say the weirdest things and he was very short, even more so than Clara. When Jenny was in the nurses station, she'd often let Clara, although she wasn't supposed to, sit on the computer for a while and chat with everyone else. Jenny felt that Clara was perfectly healthy and found her really nice to talk to. They weren't too far apart in age and they had a lot of common interests. Although she did worry, people didn't end up on this ward for no reason in the first place.

On the third day there, Clara was sat on the Nurse's desk, chatting to Jenny. She noticed a crowd of Doctor's surrounding a patient. Jenny was called over with the rest of the nurses. She tried to see what was going on, but couldn't through the many medical staff crowding around. Clara wondered back to her bed, so she wouldn't be told off. If she was found there alone, Jenny could be fired, but "luckily" for Clara another nurse came in to watch her. The patient was across the hall from her, but she couldn't see them. Eventually she got tired and fell asleep.


	9. Time Cannot Erase

**How on earth did I get over 600 views in one day?! I say it a lot but, I LOVE YOU ALL! After the next chapter, I might delay a little on uploading every day because I've just got back to school and forgot to write the next chapter until today. I usually write in huge blocks but I've not so might be 2 days or 3. But I haven't forgotten about you and nothing can say how bad I feel about that :/ But I hope the next few chapters will make up for that!**

**Songs: I heard this one for the first time today and it's accidentally perfect for this chapter: My Immortal by Evanescence (could someone tell me if anyone actually pays attention to this part of the mini-thing at the top? :/)**

Clara was bored. She felt like everyone was staring at her and no-one would leave her alone. She wanted to watch the news or something, but there was no television. Jenny had, had to attend to the new patient for the day and she had nothing to do. She looked over to the new nurse, who was sleeping and snoring. Clara waved her hands and clicked twice to see if she stirred, but she didn't. "Fuck it." Clara whispered to herself and she got out of bed, tiptoeing past the nurse. She sat on the desk of the nurses station and waited for someone to walk past. People didn't seem to notice she was out of bed, even though she was wearing a hospital gown.

After about ten minutes, she heard someone half-shout, "Clara!" She turned to face Jenny who was looking a little annoyed. "Clara, you should be in bed. Where's the nurse who's watching you?"

"She fell asleep. And she snores. I couldn't take it any longer, so I came out here." Clara spoke quite cheerfully and Jenny couldn't help but half-smile.

"Fine." She whispered. "You can stay with me, _but_, only if you promise to behave."

"I promise." Clara smiled. She walked over to the seat next to Jenny's and sat down. Clara pulled up some records on the screen. It was a little blurry from the angle Clara was at, but she could read a few things. "What's that?" She asked.

"Oh, it's the files for the new patient over there. Police sent 'em in a few hours back. Haven't for days though. But they say nothing. It's like this person has never been to the doctor's. It says his blood group, health conditions, everything we need, but he doesn't actually have a medical record. And someone as unstable as that must have something."

"Let me see?" Clara asked. Jenny didn't see how it would hurt and turned the screen towards Clara. Clara froze at the name on the top of the record. "John Smith" She immediately got out of her chair and ran to where the patient was. A nurse in the corner of the room stood to push Clara out, but she stood still in her spot.

"Clara!" Jenny called. "Clara, wait, you can't go in there!" But Clara had already seen his face. She knew it was him. He was sleeping. He had bruises around his neck and looked a state. "Clara." Jenny whispered loudly. "Git back 'ere right now!" Clara quietly left the room. She was shocked. She had barely thought about the Doctor since that day. Last time she'd seen him, she'd told him she wished he was dead. Now he was lying in a hospital bed, barely moving. _"Someone as unstable as that"_ He was unstable? Clara wasn't sure how she felt. She was angry and hurt but at the same time, worried and scared. She didn't want to, but she knew that she still loved him. She walked back to Jenny, barely alive. "Clara, are you alright?" Jenny was concerned. Clara looked a way she'd never seen her before. For once, Jenny wasn't entirely sure Clara _was_ well. She looked unstable, like people in this place usually do. Clara wasn't entirely sure she was either. She suddenly felt all the emotions she had that night. Tears sprung to her eyes and she had to lean on the nurses' desk for support. Clara shook her head slowly and began to cry. Jenny put her arm around her and tried to help. Clara immediately felt safer, but she knew this was Jenny's job.

"I need to lie down. No, I need air. I just need to clear my head." Clara turned to Jenny who looked unsure. Patients weren't meant to go outside and from the state Clara was in now, she wasn't entirely sure she should. "Please." Clara begged.

Jenny caved in to Clara's requests. "Okay. But you have to promise me that you will be ok and afterwards, you're letting Vastra talk with you okay." Clara nodded viciously and started to walk towards the ward exit. The feeling of a different air on her face was a relief. Jenny didn't want to be spotted, so took Clara to an air balcony down the hall. Clara sat down for a few moments and breathed deeply. Jenny knew that a Doctor should be present with them, for Clara to talk to, but a familiar face would be better in this situation.

"I know him." Clara finally whispered.

"I got that part." Jenny replied.

"No, I _know_ him. He's my...He was my boyfriend I guess."

"You guess?"

"He was. But he didn't tell me something. He kept secrets from me. His real name isn't John Smith, that's police protection. But, I found out. I loved him and he's...he's...he's just wrong."

"Clara, what did he do?" Jenny needed to know as much about the situation and this 'John Smith' as she could.

"My Mum. She died in the Gallifrey shooting? He was the third shooter. He killed my Mum." Clara was sobbing into her hands and Jenny put an arm around her. "When I found out, I just wanted her back. I thought that if I jumped, I'd be with her. But then I woke up here and my Mum still hadn't come back."

Jenny now knew why Clara was where she was. She was worried that having the man on the ward would be a trigger for Clara. She wanted them to be as far from each other as possible. She escorted Clara back to the ward and handed her over to Vastra. In the mean time, Clara's nurse had woken and discovered Clara was missing. She made a huge fuss, that luckily Vastra sorted. She had concluded that if both Clara and Jenny were missing, they were together. The other nurses filled Vastra in on what had happened with the other patient. Vastra had counselled both of them and was pretty sure that they were the causes of each other being there. She, like Jenny, was now unsure of whether to separate them, but also of whether to make them talk to each other.

After a long conversation with Vastra, where Clara finally confessed all of the truth rather than half, she was admitted for two extra days, so they could do counselling without a fuss of coming back for a few hours every day. Clara didn't mind. She just couldn't keep her mind of the person a few cubicles down. She didn't want to see him, but then again she did. She wanted him to see what he had done and who he had destroyed. She wanted him to suffer. In some ways, she was glad he's survived his suicide. Dying was the easy way out, and if the rest of them had to live with it then he sure as hell had to, too. The nurses were very careful not to let Clara near him. They watched her like a hawk and she hated it. She now had five more days in this place and they wouldn't let her go anywhere. Clara now understood how many exceptions she'd had in the beginning, because Jenny didn't believe she was crazy. Jenny now kept her distance a little more, like she did all the other patients. It upset Clara but she knew that she had to do it.

* * *

Clara woke to a slight shake. Jenny was shaking her awake. "Clara." she whispered. Clara looked around for the other nurse, but she wasn't there. "I told her I'd take your shift for free. You need to come with me." Clara reluctantly got out of bed, still half asleep, but she wanted to know where she was going. After a few steps, Clara realised the direction in which she was heading. It was to the Doctor's room.

"I can't go in there." Clara whispered. She started to panic and started shaking. Jenny put her arm around Clara's waist and moved her forward.

"You need to." Jenny whispered. "You need to hear what he has to say."

Vastra was at the door, waiting. It was obvious that this was unofficial, but organised by the Doctors. They nodded at Clara to go in. They turned their backs to the door, but still there as a precaution. Clara walked in to come face to face with the Doctor. He was wearing a hospital gown like hers.

"Hi." He murmured.

"Hi." she whispered back.


	10. I'm Coming Home

**So...1000 views in a day. OMFG! So this should cheer you up!, ending that cliffhanger! **

**Songs: Stay by Miley Cyrus (from when she was good). My sister decided to watch the Last Song earlier and I thought, I'll also say When I Look At You. Then Safe and Sound- but covered by Sam Tsui. **

**I was listening to a song I have fallen in love with by one of my favourite people on earth and it gave me feels. So all I can say is, I am so sorry. I've said too much. waaaaay too much. But I had to. **

Clara stared at the ground for a while and so did the Doctor. The silence in the air was drowning them out. Clara didn't have anything to say and the Doctor didn't want to break the silence.

"Are you okay?" The Doctor finally whispered, still looking down.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm in a psych ward so I'm definitely okay." Clara refused to lift her head.

"Is your head okay?" The Doctor asked.

"Um, yeah it's...Hang on." Clara looked up at the Doctor who had his chin on his chest. "How did you know I'd hit my head?"

The Doctor bit his tongue and swallowed hard.

* * *

_He hoped Clara was okay. That she'd gone home and cried to her father. He walked to the bridge where they'd first met. Last time he was here, he was going to jump in front of a bus. This time he definitely was. The streets were empty again and the rain poured heavy onto his shoulders. In the distance, he saw someone on the bridge. He noticed them climb over the edge. As he focused his eyes, he realised it was Clara. He started running towards her, to stop her from jumping. He dialled 999 and told them the situation. He saw her fall and instantly panicked. He made sure the emergency services were on their way. Then, he climbed down the river bank and jumped into the raging water. He couldn't see Clara anywhere. The waves hit him hard, but he'd always been a good swimmer. He swum to the middle of the river and dived under. As he popped his head back up for a breath, he saw Clara's hair floating in the water. Just as he spotted her, a large plank of wood hit her and she started to sink down. He immediately swum to where she was. He then swum under, leaving his eyes open. He saw Clara's sinking, lifeless body. He grabbed her shoulders and heaved them to surface. He was losing breath and struggling to save himself. After a while of struggling, he finally pulled Clara onto the bank. He started performing CPR, to get the water out of her lungs. She wasn't breathing. As he pushed down on her chest, small amounts of water came out of her mouth. He checked her pulse and it was still there. He noticed that the side of her head was covered in blood and figured there was a wound. In the distance, he heard sirens and soon enough they were next to them. The Doctor told the paramedics her current state, but before they could ask him who he was, he ran off. As long as Clara was safe._

* * *

"You, you pulled me out of the water, didn't you?" Clara asked quietly. The Doctor lifted his head and nodded. "Why?" Clara whispered.

"I saw you jump. I couldn't let you do that." He murmured.

"Why are you here?" Clara asked. "I mean, here, now. with me?"

"I need you to know the truth. I don't want you to forgive me or to stop hating me. I just want you to know what really happened."

"I don't want to know." Clara pulled her arms around herself protectively.

"Please." He begged. "Just let me tell you." Clara paused a moment, before giving a slight nod of her head.

"That day, I'd gone shopping with River, Amy and Rory..."

* * *

_The shopping centre was full. Everywhere there was Christmas decorations, ready for the holidays. It was a Friday morning, before school. Amy had forgotten to get a few of her friend's Christmas presents and she'd have no other chance to give them to them before school ended. The Doctor was laughing with River, outside the body shop. He noticed his cousins, leaning by the escalators, laughing to themselves. He hated his cousins, the Daleks. They were always talking about death and killing. He hated it and wished they'd move away. They saw him looking over and beckoned him to them. _

_"I'll be right back." He whispered to River, who watched as the Doctor made his way over to them. "What do you want?" The Doctor moaned, wanting to get away from his horrible cousins._

_"Do you like what we've got?" His cousin, Sec, whispered. They both half-pulled out rifles from their bags._

_"Are you insane?" The Doctor shouted._

_"We're going to go to shoot down every bastard in this place. Want to join?" His other cousin, Thay, handed him a pistol. The Doctor immediately handed it back._

_"You're fucking mad. Put those guns away and go home."_

_"You gonna join us or the dead?" Sec growled._

_"In your fucking dreams." The Doctor hissed._

_"Fine." Sec raised his gun into the air._

_"They've got guns! Everybody get down!" The Doctor shouted. He ran behind a nearby pillar. Suddenly he heard loud bangs. There were flashes everywhere and people starting falling to the ground. Everyone was screaming and running away._

_"River!" The Doctor shouted. She had just ran out of where she was hiding. The Doctor saw her fall to the floor and screamed. Where were Amy and Rory? He then saw a girl with red hair on the floor, joining hands with a boy. No. This couldn't be happening. Sec and Thay were laughing as little kids screamed and bled out. The Doctor was just out of view from them. He had to stop them. He ran out in front of them._

_"Kill me. Go on!" He shouted. He noticed a woman who was running from the scene, turn and start walking towards him. Thay raised the pistol they had handed him earlier. The Doctor heard the gunshot but he didn't feel anything. He realised that the woman in front of him had taken the shot. She was dead on the floor. He dragged her back behind his pillar and hid. On his way back, he noticed that they'd dropped the pistol on the floor. He picked it up and held it to his side. The shooting stopped for a moment and he heard Sec and Thay laughing about it. He saw them walking up to the bodies and kicking them, whilst laughing. He had never seen so much blood in his life. They then raised their guns again and walked towards the shops, where people were hiding. The Doctor walked quietly up behind them and raised the gun. He had to stop them. They started to turn to face him, but he shot them both in the head. Tears were streaming down his face and he was still holding the gun. When the police arrived a few minutes later, they arrested him as a shooter. He told them the story. They didn't believe him, that he'd killed his cousins, because the autopsy report determined them as suicide. When the trial came, the jury believed him and they put him into police protection, changing his whole identity. His old name became a story in the papers and he had to live with what he had done, and the deaths of the ones he loved._

* * *

"That woman who saved me, I believe her name was Ellie Oswald." The Doctor whispered. Clara had tears streaming down her face and so did the Doctor. Her Mum had saved his life. She had once sworn that she would kill the man who killed her Mum, but he was already dead. The Doctor was still a murderer. He murdered his cousins. But he did it to save everyone else. Clara stepped towards the Doctor and threw her arms around him, sobbing into his chest. For a while he stood still, before bringing his arms around Clara and kissing her forehead multiple times. She stood slightly back for a moment and reached her hand up to the bruises on his neck. Ste stroked them gently and then the one on his face. She brought her lips to his and kissed him several times. Clara had stopped crying for a while, but more tears welled up at the sight of the bruises. She looked up at him to ask him why.

"I didn't want to do it anymore. You were the only thing I had. I knew you'd never want to see me again and I didn't mind. You shouldn't..."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true. I called the protection service to have me relocated, but I felt that I didn't want to start again somewhere else. I found a belt and I must have tied it. I honestly don't remember. Turns out I did it wrong though. It should have broken my neck but instead I had a shortage of air. The police found me, when they came to relocate me. I forgot that I'd called them. They called an ambulance and I found myself here three days later."

Clara stopped breathing when he mentioned breaking his neck. She was suddenly grateful for surviving her own attempt and him surviving his. She hugged him, careful not to squeeze too hard.

"We should get back to bed." The Doctor whispered after a while. Jenny and Vastra were still outside, but by now they'd got chairs. "You need to go back."

"No." Clara squeaked. "I want to stay here. With you."

"You can't."

"Please?" She begged.

"If they force you out, there's nothing I can do." She moved over to the bed with him and curled up in his arms.

* * *

A short while later, Jenny turned to check on them. "Shouldn't they been done yet?" she asked. She then saw the two, John, (she didn't know his nickname yet), holding Clara, both fast asleep. "Um, Ma'am?"

"Yes Jenny?" Vastra replied. She turned to face the two and saw the situation. "Ah, I see."

"Should we git Clara back to her bed?" Jenny asked.

"No. Let her stay there until morning. But be sure to wake them up before the nurses change over. We wouldn't want them getting a shock." They smiled at each other, glad that their plan had worked.


	11. In A Distant World

**I was going to upload this two hours ago, but my best friend decided to tell me that today is the last time we will talk in a year, because she is going to med school and I can't see her because she lives in France. So, depressing stuff but I hope this could cheer me up a little. **

**Songs: It may be only slightly relevant to this chapter but the song For Good from the musical Wicked by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth. (I met my friend because of this show and it's so dear in my heart).**

**Probably the worst author's note ever but, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my best friend and my older sister, Mathilde Vonfeld. Even though she has never even seen dr who, she read this for me and reviewed:D **

** So enjoy guys!**

* * *

"Clara!" Jenny whispered loudly in Clara's ear. "Clara, you have to wake up!"

Clara softly moaned and started to shuffle around, waking the Doctor. "Clara, visiting starts in two minutes and your father's already outside waiting. Vastra is trying to stall him."

Upon hearing this, Clara sat bolt upright. "Shit." She murmured groggily. She then jumped fast out of the bed and ran to her own room quickly. She had barely got herself tucked in when her Dad arrived in the room.

"How are you feeling today honey? They tell me you're staying a little longer?" Dave looked concerned and gave Clara a small hug.

"I'm fine. Actually, I'm great. They just want me to do some counselling and think it would be less stress if I'm here, you know?" Clara grinned at Dave and he instantly felt like something was different about Clara. She usually was never so happy around him.

"You okay honey? Because you seem extremely happy. Tell me you've not taken any drugs." Dave had a light tone in his voice but Clara was dying to tell him what she'd found out. But she felt like the Doctor needed to tell Dave himself. It would sound like excuses coming from Clara. But she wasn't about to tell him that the Doctor was there. He would cause a fuss on the ward. She smiled and made herself look healthy for her Dad. She wanted him to know that she was okay and would be fine. He'd never been so close to her before, but he was really trying now and Clara wasn't going to put any of it to waste.

"Yeah, just feeling a lot better."

Once Dave had left, Clara waited for Jenny to walk near her. Yet again, the Nurse that was meant to be watching her had ran to the bathroom. They left Clara alone a lot, mostly because Jenny trusted her. After about an hour of impatiently waiting, Jenny finally appeared.

"Jenny!" Clara loudly whispered. It may have been midday but she didn't want other nurses on duty hearing her. "I mean, Nurse Flint!"

Jenny laughed at Clara's hushed tones and entered her room. She pointed to the chair in the corner with a confused face.

"She kept needing the bathroom." Clara made a face that Jenny couldn't help but start laughing at.

"What do you want Clara? I'm meant to be writing up some serious things." Clara knew Jenny was only teasing but she often wondered whether she really did stop her from doing her work.

"I was wondering if I'll be allowed to go and see the Doctor."

"The Doctor? Doctor Vastra? Or are you feeling drowsy? Are you feeling okay? Are you sure you're not light-headed..."

"Jenny, I'm fine." Clara laughed at Jenny's sudden Nurse mode that had seemed to overtake her for a moment. "John, his nickname is the Doctor."

Jenny paused. Letting Clara see him was a one off and the fact that they had let her stay in his room was something that could have got her into a lot of trouble. Clara looked half desperate. Her eyes were begging and she looked as if she needed to be near him. Jenny started to slowly shake her head. Clara really shouldn't be in there. Jenny was sure that no-one would have explained.

"Why not?" She begged.

"Clara, he's asleep. There's a reason his room is down the corridor..."

"I know patients aren't meant to go near each other, but nothing will happen I promise!" Clara was begging and Jenny moved over to her bed.

"Clara. You need to listen to me." She took a slow breath. "John, I mean...the Doctor, he isn't well. He's gonna be in here for a while. Clara he's not safe."

"No, he is!" Clara still wasn't understanding the situation fully. "You've got it wrong, he didn't do anything..."

"Clara! The answer's no. I'm sorry but you can't see him." For the first time since they'd met, Jenny was firm with Clara and it made her upset. Clara curled up in her bed and sulked into a sleep.

"Clara." Jenny was shaking Clara awake. It was dark outside. She must have slept through the second visiting hours. "Clara, you need to get up now!" Jenny was frantic.

"What...What's going on?" Clara started to slip her legs out of bed, when she heard a scream coming from down the hall. She knew who it was immediately and ran as fast as she could to the source of the sound. The sight she saw frightened her and she didn't know what to do. The Doctor was thrashing around and screaming violently, with four nurses trying to hold him down. This is what they meant by him not being safe. Things were knocked over around him, but he didn't seem conscious.

Jenny was suddenly in front of Clara, begging for help. "He keeps crying out your name. Is there anything you can do?" Clara looked around helplessly. She saw Vastra in the corner, trying to control the situation as well as take notes that would need to go on file. Two other nurses had turned to Clara, expecting her help. It took her a moment, but upon instinct at his next scream, she climbed onto the bed and held down his arms.

"Ssh. Doctor, ssh. It's me, it's Clara. Calm down, I'm here, I'm here." She was mumbling fast, trying to soothe him as best as she could. The moment she said her name, he started to calm. His eyes that were squeezed tightly shut before, relaxed to reveal tears in his eyes. His fists slightly unclenched and his whole body seemed a million times less tense. The nurses around stepped back and watched as Clara cupped his face in his hands. Her breathing was still fast from her shock, but everything was quieter now.

"Clara?" He whispered quietly, slowly opening his eyes at the same time.

"That's me. I'm here." He threw his arms around her and pulled her close. She knew that none of the staff had left the room, but she didn't care. She kissed him a few times, whispering "I'm here," over an over in between each one. He refused to let go of her, even when the nurses tried to split the two. They were afraid he would start screaming again. Once the Doctor was asleep, Jenny told Clara that he had screamed every night since he woke up. They couldn't move him up to the psych ward for a while because of his health and had removed him from the ward because of it. The only night he hadn't screamed was when Clara was there. Jenny sat in the corner of the room, as they needed at least one person on watch. Clara curled up on the doctor's chest and drew random circles on his chest until she finally let sleep over take her.

"What is he doing here? Get him away from my daughter!"

"Sir, I really must insist that you leave..."

"He's the reason she's in here! Get him away from her!"

Dave's voice woke Clara up. She noticed her legs entwined with the Doctor's and she raised her head. She saw Jenny trying to stop her father from getting into the room. She instantly sat up, waking the Doctor.

"Dad?" She was still half asleep and not entirely sure what was going on.

"Clara. You get away from him!" Dave pushed past Jenny to walk to his daughter and grabbed her arm. He pulled her forcefully out of bed and held her shoulders, guiding her out of the room.

"Dad! It's not what you think!" Clara cried out. He wasn't hurting her, he was trying to guide her out of the room.

"Clara, it is taking me everything not to kill him right now. He's making you fall right back into his mind-twisted trap." Dave spat towards the Doctor.

The Doctor was now out of bed and standing up, trying to stop Dave from taking Clara away.

"No, no, no Dad! He didn't do what you think! Mum saved him! It wasn't his fault he tried to stop it! He stopped it." Clara was staring into Dave's eyes and she saw a fury and hate she had only seen once before, after her Mum died.

"Clara. Don't believe all that crap..."

"Dad, listen to me!" Clara shouted.

"Clara, go." The Doctor's voice silenced the room and he was staring down at the floor. Clara had tears in her eyes.

"No. No, tell him Doctor! Tell him the truth! Tell him how Mum saved you. How you killed your own cousins to stop them from hurting anyone else! Tell him!" Clara couldn't bear to lose the Doctor again. Dave released Clara's arm and walked towards the Doctor. He put an arm on each shoulder and Clara held her breath. She was sure that her father was about to kill him. He gripped the Doctor's shoulder's tight and let out a hard breath between his teeth.

"Is it true? What you did?" The Doctor nodded slowly, half in shock from the sudden uproar and almost in tears from the truth being shouted out. In one swift movement, Dave through his arms around the Doctor and let a tear shed. It was clear that Dave rarely showed emotion and this was so heartfelt. He let go after a while and patted his shoulder. Clara had walked up to them and stood watching. The moment she could, Clara jumped into the Doctor's arms, clinging tight.

The three of them talked for a while. Dave seemed to be hanging on the Doctor's every word. He soon discovered that he also saved Clara when she jumped. Once Dave was forced to leave, Clara and the Doctor curled up together. Jenny and Vastra hadn't left them all day, but they'd rather it be them than some grumpy nurse who would separate them.

"I used to think I would never be capable of love." He murmured to her when she was drifting to sleep.

"Hmm?" She murmured back.

"I thought that a monster like me couldn't love anyone. You have defied everything I've ever known." He cupped her face in his palm so she could sleepily, look into his eyes. "You brought me out of the darkness. You still love me after everything I've done to you. And you have saved me, so many times. You are impossible. My impossible girl."

Clara smiled, her eyes slowly drooping shut again from exhaustion. "Every lonely monster, needs a companion."

"Monsters don't deserve companions as perfect as you."

"You're not a monster, Doctor. You're human. You're _my _Doctor. And you deserve to be loved. I love you chinboy." At her last sentence, she drifted into a deep sleep. He wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and kissed her hair over and over.

"Goodnight, my impossible girl."


	12. This Lullaby

**This chapter has smut in. I hope it's decent. Someone asked me how long this fic will be, probably about 20 something chapters. I know it seems like the story is over but it is so not! There's a part-two like story to it. More like how there's the deathly hallows part 1 and 2. Same story, just different parts. In the movie anyway :/ Thank you for all the amazing reviews! You guys are ace! If I don't get it up by tomorrow, the next chapter will be within the next two days. Pinky promise!**

**Songs: Lego house by ed sheeran. Because it's cute and been in my head all day**

* * *

Clara was dismissed when her time was up. He Dad took her home to look after her, unsurprisingly. But she didn't mind. He was being nicer to her than ever and in honesty, she really needed him there. The Doctor wasn't to be released for a while longer. The nurses tried to make him stay there for more than two weeks, claiming he would be unsafe to go home alone. But luckily for him, Dave seeing Clara's distress, agreed to take the Doctor in for a few weeks.

"Doctor!" Clara cried, running into his arms. Dave had brought him back to their house from the hospital. He lifted Clara into his arms and spun her around. He then kissed her lightly on the top of her head. Clara gave him a look of confusion at his actions.

But her question was answered when Dave suddenly said, "There will be no funny business going on between the two of you, okay? while you're here anyway. But as Clara decided to scream to the whole world that you are intimately involved, I guess I'll allow you to kiss." Clara was laughing slightly and the Doctor looked a little frightened. That melted away though, when Clara gave him a cheeky look. She then grabbed his jacket and stood on her toes, pulling his face down to hers and capturing his lips fiercely. The Doctor knew full well that she was doing this on purpose. Dave was watching them, never blinking an eyelid. Knowing that he was still there, Clara started to run her fingers through the Doctor's hair and pulled herself closer to him. The Doctor was unsure of how to respond to this, but it was made clear that he was meant to join in when she made a soft moan, only just loud enough for Dave to hear. The moment the Doctor started to move his fingers through her hair, Dave screamed, "Okay, that is way too far! Subtle snogging I meant. I do not want to see that happening much again! Now, who wants tea?"

Clara giggled and pecked the Doctor's lips one last time. "I'll have tea." She replied, and walked off to the kitchen. She then popped her hair back around the corner, smiling.

"I forgot to take you to your room Doctor!" She walked towards him and held her hand out for him to take. "Come on." She smiled. As they walked up the stairs with the Doctor's bags, they heard Dave shout from the kitchen, "Spare room, NOT Clara's!"

Clara grabbed his bags and threw them in the first room they came to. She then pulled him gently to the room two doors down the corridor. Dave's room was in-between, and he more than likely wanted it that way. As he entered Clara's bedroom, he smiled at everything in there. It wasn't too big, but housed a decent sized bed and a few chest of drawers. It was a deep purple and there were pictures of young Clara and Clara with her friends on the shelves. It looked like a typical teenager's room, something he hadn't seen in a long time. It made him remember that Clara was still only seventeen. He often forgot. Clara sat down on the bed. It was just under a double size, but not completely a single. The kind of size you find in a hotel. She patted the spot next to her, for the Doctor to sit in. As he sat, she grinned at him and took his hands in hers.

"By the way, earlier, I was just trying to see what he'd do if you kissed me." She giggled slightly. "I know it's silly, but I wanted to see how he'd react. Badly, it seems."

"He let us kiss for quite a while though." The Doctor smiled a bit as his face started to get closer to Clara's.

"Yeah, but he freaked out the moment you started to take control. He was fine with me coming onto you, but not the other way around." Clara's voice started to get quieter and their faces inched closer.

"You're always the boss." he whispered, their lips almost touching.

"Yes, yes I am." she then forced her lips onto his and kissed him as hard as she could. She could still feel explosions behind her eyes and she felt butterflies in her stomach, like she had the first time. She looped her arms around his neck, tugging on his hair. He grabbed her hips and pulled her onto his lap. He knew that they shouldn't go further than this with Clara's father downstairs, but she had other plans. She straddled his waist and kissed him as passionately as he could. The Doctor was about to pull away when the Doctor suddenly flew open. The Doctor had never seen Clara jump off of him quicker. In the Door way, Dave stood with a look of half amusement and half displeasure. He let an awkward silence fall over them for as long as he could, before he spoke up.

"I'm going into town. I need to drop by at the office and it's quite near your flat. Clara's been complaining about all her clothes being there. So, I could drop you two off for a bit. It won't be long. About an hour or so." Clara immediately jumped up, pulling the Doctor with her.

"Yeah sure!" The Doctor noticed that Clara was giving Dave a teasing look every moment. He knew that she was trying to wind her Dad up and by the looks of things, she was slightly succeeding.

They were dropped off, after a silent car journey. Upon entering the flat, Clara ran to the bedroom. The Doctor stayed at the door, looking around for a while. Clara barely noticed what he was doing. As she ran into the bedroom, she started rummaging a few drawers for some clothes. She didn't want to take too much as she planned on going back there soon. She ran over to where the ceiling rail was. She noticed all the clothes that had been drying there, knocked on the floor. She had put it up after the Doctor refused to use the dryer. As she rummaged through the slight mess on her knees, she came across a belt. It was tied funny and she picked it up, staring slowly. Tears pricked behind her eyes and didn't dare look up in fear of seeing something there. She couldn't stop imagining the Doctor hanging there. She hadn't noticed that she had broken down into full scale sobs until the Doctor put his arms around her. He had his eyes closed shut tight. Clara stopped crying but instantly threw her arms around the Doctor, breathing heavily. She gripped as tight as she could and squeezed his shoulders. They were clinging to each other as if life depended on it, because for them it did. She pulled back after a while and grabbed his face.

"I love you. I'm sorry." Clara choked. She rubbed her thumbs over the Doctor's cheeks.

"You should never be sorry for anything. Clara..." He was silenced by Clara forcing her mouth into is with forceful lust. He could feel her wet cheeks pressing against his. The Doctor picked her up slowly, her still pressing her lips to his. They moved in synch, as they always did. He slowly realised that she was still kissing him and he desperately needed to breathe. He lay her down on the bed and took a moment to breathe when they separated. She looked up at him with a passion resembled on his face. Their lips crashed together and nothing could stop them.

The Doctor removed his jacket and threw it somewhere, not caring about it's destination. He ran his hand under her shirt and trailed his fingers along his stomach. She unhooked her arms from his neck to allow him to remove her shirt. He then kissed a trail down her neck, nipping and sucking, causing her to moan. His hands slipped under her bra and started kneading her breasts. She moaned again, but this time louder. He unhooked her bra skilfully and his tongue was immediately down on one breast. One hand fingered down her stomach and slid under the waistband of her jeans. Clara grabbed his hair and pulled his mouth back onto hers. She needed him there with her, like they always should be. She pulled off his shirt and traced her fingers across his chest, like he was an antique. So beautiful with so much history. He stared down in wonder at her, mesmerised by her beauty. He tried to take in all of her features, in fear he might not see them again. He was know aware that everyday could be their last. He wouldn't allow himself to waste that. He pulled off her jeans and dipped his hand into her underwear and slipped two fingers inside of her. She gasped and squeezed her eyes shut. The Doctor then removed the restricting clothing and before she could look down, his tongue was on her. She couldn't help but groan. He swirled his tongue around expertly, darting in when she least expected it. She could feel her climax building rapidly. He then started to finger her gently at the same time. The overwhelming pleasure got too much and she cried out his name, seeing fireworks behind her eyes. She lay down, breathing hard on the bed. The Doctor pulled himself up, back to her face and kissed her hard. She could taste herself on him. She could feel his erection being restricted by his jeans that were still there. Clara decided that she would change that. She undid the button and pushed them down his legs halfway, so he could kick them off. She slid her hand underneath his boxers and grabbed his cock. She pulsed him gently, pressing her thumb slightly into his head. He quickly pulled his remaining piece of clothing off, grabbing a condom at the same time. He opened the packet, but Clara took it off him. She rolled into onto him and opened her legs so he could poise himself between them. She grabbed his head and kissed him hard as he pushed into her. He slowly pulled out and then started slamming into her rhythmically, her hips rising to meet each thrust. They whispered, groaned and moaned each other's names over and over. The Doctor could feel himself building. He thrust into Clara harder and harder until he could hear her cry his name and he cried out hers, holding tight to her. They stayed like that for a while, the Doctor enclosing Clara in his arms. He planted light kisses to her sweaty brow and ran his finger up and down her spine.

"We need to get up." Clara whispered. The Doctor moaned in resistance.

"My Dad will be here to pick us up soon and won't be happy if he finds us like this." The Doctor moaned once more, but let go of Clara and stood off the bed to find his clothes. He was stopped by Clara spinning him around and giving him one last kiss. He grinned and pulled her into another hug.

"So, did you get everything you need?" Dave asked as they both got into the car.

"Yeah" Clara replied. She sat in the back with the Doctor, and squeezed his hand she was gripping to.

"It mustn't have taken long to get what you got. What did you do for the rest of the time?" Simultaneously, the Doctor and Clara turned bright red under Dave's glare from the back view mirror.

"Um..." Clara murmured. "We cooked." The Doctor started to laugh a little bit and it caused Clara to burst into a small fit of giggles.

When they re-entered the house, Dave took Clara into the living room when the Doctor used the bathroom.

"Sweetheart, I don't mind that you two are together. You're a mature girl." Dave said quietly. "Just, don't let him hurt you. Don't think it'll be forever, because you're still young and anything could happen."

"I know Dad." Clara replied. "But I love him and I need him. I'll want him for as long as he wants me. That might not be forever, but I'll always remember my first love. I'm not going to say there'll be no heart break, but for now it'll be okay."

She hugged her Dad and ran up to her room. Before entering her own, she turned to the spare room. She opened the door to find the Doctor on the bed. She curled up into his arms and slept, knowing that she was more at home there than anywhere else in the world.


	13. Feared What We Became

**This whole chapter was inspired by a song called The Way We Were by Carrie Fletcher. It even contains the lyrics. Listen to it and you'll understand. So I apologise now for this chapter before you all kill me :p**

* * *

Clara had gone back to school. She would stay with her Dad in the week and spend weekends and holidays at the Doctor's. She now knew that she wanted to really make something of herself.

Clara had just got her AS results. All As, of course, even when she missed over half the year. The teachers growled at her for it but she honestly didn't care. She was so happy with her grades and felt like she was going to do well in the next year. Clara had invited the Doctor around to her house to celebrate, as her Dad was in Leeds doing something for his work.

* * *

A knock on the door. Clara sat up off the sofa and ran to open it.

"Hi," she grinned at him, when she saw his face.

"Hi?" He answered back. He knew what she was going to say and a smile grew on his face.

"All As. Even in maths." She whispered in his ear. She'd struggled a little with maths but overcame it with some help from a Doctor. He picked her up and spun her around in his arms. She giggled with delight and he smiled too, but there was sorrow behind his eyes. He didn't want it to show, not yet anyway. They needed to be happy for as long as they could.

"I'm so proud of you.?" He said and then picked her up bridal style. She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck to hold on tighter. He carried her into the house, kicking the door shut behind him and laid her down on the sofa. She was half sat, half lying down and the Doctor was slightly on top of her, cradling her face whilst capturing her lips with his. When they pulled away, Clara smiled gently.

"Champagne?" She asked cheekily. She gestured towards the bottle on the coffee table and the extra glass, whilst picking up her own. He poured himself some and held it up to Clara's waiting glass.

"To us." she whispered.

"To us." he replied quietly. Clara could feel like something was off. The Doctor looked like he was about to cry each second. Sometimes, she'd just wish he'd tell her something once in a while. But she didn't want to ruin a fun night.

* * *

They ordered pizza and decided to try and eat the cheese together. Clara made a joke about always wanting to do the thing with the spaghetti from Lady and the Tramp, so the Doctor ran into the kitchen. By the time she'd gone onto her feet to follow him, he'd already found the pans and spaghetti and started cooking. He made a small amount, just so they could do it. It ended with them kissing and the Doctor choking on some of it. Clara had to admit that it was one of the funniest thing she'd ever done, but she was glad she'd done it with him. The Doctor kept kissing her though. She'd look up for a minute and he'd be snogging her, as if he would only get a few more. She complied of course, but she needed to know what was going on.

After a few hours of watching TV and cuddling, the Doctor spoke up. It was about 1am, but he didn't seem tired.

"Clara, I've been offered a job." His tone didn't change once and he looked straight forward. She moved off where she was lying on his lap and sat up to face him.

"Wow. Oh my god, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you!" She grabbed his face to kiss him but he pulled back, leaving her confused and slightly hurt.

"Doctor? It's good isn't it?" She had gone considerably quieter and the Doctor could feel the tears stinging behind his eyes. He wasn't sure if he could do this.

"Yeah. They saw my IQ and requested me I guess. It's a lab where they make things for all science. Health, space exploration, travelling at the speed of light." He slightly laughed at the last one.

"I still don't understand then, why are you upset?" Clara grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight and the tears started to well up strong in the Doctor's eyes. He wiped them away with his sleeve and coughed.

"Because Clara, the job is in L.A." Clara felt a light punch to her heart.

"Well maybe we won't get to see too much of each other then, but I can come out to LA and you can..." She was desperate for him not to say any more.

"Clara. I can't be in LA if you're here. You need a life instead of having to cling on to your boyfriend who is 5000 miles away. You need a guy who will be there for you when you cry and tell you you're beautiful every day."

"I already have one." Clara had tears streaming down her face. This couldn't be happening. Not to them. Never to them. "He's tall and quirky and acts like a five year old but is so much more. He's gentle and kind, loving and the most beautiful man I know."

"Clara. Please don't make this hard." The Doctor had his head turned away, but Clara knew he was crying. She grabbed his face with her hands and kissed him as hard as she could. "Don't...leave...please." She whispered in between breaths. She could feel the sob he gave off. When they finally pulled apart, he pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair.

"I have to go. I can't afford to live here anymore and if I reject the job, I might lose my benefits. Clara, what I would do to be with you forever..."

"You will be! I will always love you." Clara gripped him tight and prayed silently that this was all a dream. He pulled her up, so she was basically sitting on top of him.

"Clara, I want you to be the best you can be. You get the best job out there and have the life you always wanted. Please, do that for me." She sobbed onto his chest and he stroked her hair, whispering nonsense into her hair.

"And, when you do, I'd like an invite to the wedding please." Clara choked at this.

"No need to invite a groom." He chuckled through his tears.

"I'm jealous of the lucky man." Clara shook her head violently.

"Stop it." She murmured. She kissed him for as long as she could. She didn't want to let go. She couldn't let go.

"We'll have to go back. Back to the way we were, before we were us." he said.

"Before I was me?" Clara replied.

"Not before we were happier than I've ever been. Than anyone will ever see again. I want you to be happy, but pretend I was never here."

"Never." She whispered. "I could never forget you."

"We were a complicated two, weren't we?" He laughed,

"We still are." Clara choked.

"And we can be until the morning. I leave tomorrow night." Clara felt like her breathing had stopped and now it was too much.

"Stay with me. Don't go yet." She pleaded.

"I'll stay with you for as long as I can." He made sure that every part of their bodies were touching, memorising each feature. He knew them so well. He could never forget her.

They stayed curled up on the sofa for hours before they finally went to bed. He didn't let her go until his taxi arrived to take him away. Clara's heart broke it two and she knew that she was never going to be able to be who she was before. He had changed her so much. She felt like she wasn't going to survive this.

* * *

Back in London for a week. The Doctor missed the cold air. It felt odd to him as he walked through the busy streets. He didn't want to go to Clara's and bother her. She never left his mind. He had tried dating again but he knew there was no point. The day before he left, he walked past a cafe. He saw two people cuddled together on one of the sofas. He knew it was Clara. He was about to cross the road and say hi, but saw her lean in to kiss the boy she was next to. It had been a whole year. She wouldn't be interested. He walked away with as much strength as he could manage.

Clara swear she had just seen him. But she knew she never would again.

"What's wrong?" her boyfriend asked.

"Nothing. I just thought I saw something." she replied.

If only she'd ran up to him and said hello, maybe that wouldn't be the last time they'd see each other. But she knew it was.

* * *

**THIS IS NOT THE END. BELIEVE ME, IT'S NOT. BUT THE STORY WILL BE GREAT, I PROMISE YOU. IT WONT BE SOME LAME CARRY ON. NEXT CHAPTER TOMORROW!**


	14. Complicated, They Said

**So...this IS a few years later. But the story will be great! I promise you. Just so you know, Sam is not the guy Clara was with in the last chapter. He was just some randomer I wrote in. If there are any spelling mistakes, I stopped writing ahead for a bit and only just finished this. If there's nothing tomorrow, I'm sorry! If I don't write ahead there won't be any Saturday either :/ I might start that now! But I'll try!**

**I guess this is the same song as the last chapter. The Way We Were by Carrie Fletcher. If you haven't PLEASE listen to it! you won't regret it! **

* * *

Clara trailed along the streets to her new job.

She was twenty-four years old and working as an intern. It was so embarrassing. But she was lucky she'd even got the job. She'd taken Maths at university, but copped out on jobs to look after some friend's kids, who's mother had just died. TARDIS corporation had only even accepted her as a trainee because of her IQ. They developed things in science, all areas. It reminded Clara of a firm she'd once heard about in LA. She was currently working on a project that could technically freeze time, by sending a certain frequency to the sun, delaying it's movement by a few seconds. It was an already developed project, they were now just trying to speed it up. They had sent a bolt two years prior, and weren't expecting anything to happen for eight more years. Even then, the sun would only stop moving for two minutes. She'd been put on the team to study before her evaluation. Everyone at TARDIS were genius'. It would have made her feel intimidated if she wasn't still cleverer than them.

As she entered the doors, she was greeted by her tutor, Donna. She was chatty and loved gossip.

"You ready for today?" Donna smiled. Today was inspection day. The boss personally came and inspected every employee. There weren't many so it was easy. Even though the business had a board, their was a boss who invented the place. She hated going through security at the doors. It was a secure building from what they were making in there. The top scientists got paid lots and Clara felt lucky to even be on her current wage.

"Yeah. Sam gave me loads of advice yesterday. All of it sucked, but there you go." Clara laughed.

"Oh, how are things with him? He popped the question yet?" Donna put her arm around Clara once she'd gotten through the metal detector.

"Things are great. Amazing actually. And no, before you ask. But all my friends are saying it's my birthday in two months. I'll kill him if doesn't! It's been long enough!" Donna and Clara laughed as they pressed the button for the lift. Clara was on the seventh floor and nobody would want to take the stairs. Clara had been dating Sam for three years, since Uni. He was a smart and talented guy, who treated her like a princess. Her Dad adored him and all her friends got on well with his. It was like a match made in heaven.

"Too right! You've been here, what? Six months and even I think he should've asked by now!" Donna chirped as they stepped into the lift.

* * *

Clara sat at her desk, writing out evaluations of all the failed experiments they had tried yet again today. She hated paperwork. At first, she hadn't done any but it ended up piling into three days worth of it and she couldn't be bothered to risk that again. She was about to fall asleep on her desk from boredom, when the board of executives walked in. Everyone in the room immediately stopped what they were doing and stood up to greet them. Clara had her hair tied back and was wearing a lab coat.

"One by one, we'll speak to all of you." The man in front said. "Look at your work etcetera, find out your strengths and if you would be better off in another project. You know the drill!" He smiled at them. "One at a time, please will you go into the office on the eleventh floor. Thank you." They left and everyone around looked nervous. People had lost their jobs from this inspection before, but it was rare. These happened once a year to check they had only the best scientists working for them. Clara knew that this was her job blown. She didn't even have a science degree.

"Good luck." she chimed to Donna as she went up. About ten minutes later, she back smiling. "Still on this project I guess, I think you need to go up now."

Clara groaned and made her way to the elevator. "Are they nice?" Clara quickly asked Donna. She hated talking one to one with people.

"Yeah, he's gorgeous." Donna winked cheekily, making Clara smile.

She knocked on the office door. Her heart was racing and she felt really nervous. She couldn't afford to lose this job. She loved being there.

"Come in." She heard from inside. The voice was vaguely familiar, but she obeyed.

She froze at the sight of the man in the desk. His hair was brown and flopped over his face. His chin stuck out and was extremely noticeable. He was wearing a waistcoat and Victorian era clothing. Donna was right about him being gorgeous though. This man may have looked different, but this was no stranger. He was the Doctor. He looked up after writing something down for a moment. His eyes widened at the sight in front of him.

"Oh." was the first thing that came out of his mouth. Clara froze by the door a moment longer, before making her way to the seat by the desk, like Donna had told her she'd have to do.

"Hello." She smiled. He smiled back, looking at her puzzlingly. He looked like he was trying to figure out the hardest puzzle he'd ever seen.

"Have...Have you changed your name?" He asked, looking through a list of folders.

"No. Still Clara Oswald." She replied. He then dug a file out of the bottom and nodded in agreement.

"So it seems. I don't know how I missed that." He seemed to be talking to himself. He was looking down and refused to look Clara in the eye. She felt like he was trying to avoid her.

He was so shocked to see her. He'd barely had any girlfriends in the last few years. He'd left LA, made his own business and picked out the best scientist from all over the UK. But that didn't leave much room for relationships.

"Um..." He hit his head gently to try and regain his thoughts. All he could think was about how beautiful she looked. She looked so much more than she had before, if that was possible. She was more of a woman now, very definitely grown up. Although she was still small. Her hair still was as chocolaty and soft as before and so were her eyes.

"How are you?" He asked. He started to fiddle with his fingers nervously.

"I'm good. Bit scared I'll be fired, but as my boss won't even look at me I'm guessing this isn't a good sign." She immediately kicked herself. She couldn't be rude to her boss. But he didn't look bothered by it.

"Why would you be fired?" The Doctor asked. He looked up at her and smiled. Their eye contact lasted longer than Clara had intended. She'd found that once she'd started to look at his eyes, she couldn't stop.

"This place is for scientists. I don't even have a degree in any of the sciences. I'm a mathematician." She replied.

A smile spread across his face. "Maths? You hate maths."

"Well, I hated maths. I got into Trinity college, Cambridge. Not one to turn down an offer like that." The Doctor nodded with approval, then opened her file.

"You're working on the freezing project? Poor you, that's not going to make progress for about three years." The Doctor laughed a little at a few of her records. No marital status. A wave of pleasure ran through him at this information.

"You employ people to do something you think is pointless?" Clara asked, looking slightly unimpressed.

"No, it has a point. But the technology to speed up the process is currently being worked on and is guessed to take around three years. They're making it on floor three." He answered. He seemed so important and in charge.

"But if we took a trip to that floor and saw what they were doing, we could combine the work and therefore maybe speed up each other's work." Clara replied quietly. She felt like waiting was stupid.

The Doctor looked up at her. She didn't know he had glasses, but he'd been using them to read. "Yeah, that could work." he mumbled to himself. "Thanks." He looked slightly ashamed that he hadn't considered doing that before.

"So, you got accepted as an intern, correct?" He asked, suddenly all professional. Now it down to the actual interview.

"Yeah, they had a spare vacancy and said that I had a high IQ." Clara tried to sound knowledgeable. "They put me on that project as I wouldn't have to do much."

"Sorry about that." He mumbled. "I shoved all the interns with no science degrees there. Most don't last two months. Out of six, there are only two left of your group."

Clara now realised that he'd probably never even looked at her file, explaining how he didn't know she worked for him. Although he did write her pay checks.

"The project needed some life. I've made loads of progress on it and probably taken down the speed of advancing it by six months." Clara spoke up. She felt confident about this.

"So, you'd like to work on something harder?" He asked. He put down her file and crossed his arms on his chest. He looked more comfortable now that he did before.

"It would be preferable." He snorted and Clara looked confused.

"Come on Clara. You're a genius. I saw your science work. You know full well that you are far cleverer than most people here." He smiled at her nicely. Clara had to remind herself that the fluttering she felt in her stomach was just nerves. Was it? It had to be, she felt nothing for him anymore. She loved Sam.

"Most?" She asked quietly.

"Everyone except me." he stuck his tongue out at her. He swore he could hear her mumble something that resembled "cocky" through her smile. But that smile. He would have killed to see it. It mad his insides melt and he wasn't sure if he could stop himself grinning like a love-struck fool. He discovered he couldn't, but it made Clara smile more and that would always make him happy

"Well, you were always really good at science." She smiled. The Doctor stayed silent for a moment, taking her in. He then jumped as an alert on his computer went off. Noticing the time, he stood up.

"Sorry, have to rush onto the next person. Nice to see you Clara." He stuck out his hand for her to shake and she took it cautiously. They shook slowly and he stepped out from behind the desk. He opened his arms out to give her a hug and she couldn't refuse. She quickly leant in for a small hug, but she tried to make it more friendly than loving. He felt an odd discomfort when she pulled away.

"Goodbye Doctor." She smiled and left the room.

* * *

Clara was barely able to think for the rest of the day. She gave a huge sigh of relief when the clock turned five and she thought she could leave. She really needed to clear her head. Unfortunately for her, she'd forgotten to fill in some paper work and had to stay even later than that. She furiously typed at her computer for half an hour to get it done.

She ran to the lift, urgent to get home as quick as she could. She pressed the button and waited patiently for a few moments. She raised her head when the doors opened with a *ping.* She saw the Doctor standing in the lift, waiting to leave too. He smiled and nodded at her. She returned the gesture as to not seem rude.

"Did you enjoy the rest of your day?" He asked, trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, well...um most of it." She nodded, more to reassure herself that this sentence was true.

"It's pretty late. Why haven't you left yet?" The doors reopened and they walked out towards security.

"I forgot to do some paperwork." She replied, setting down her things to go through the metal detectors. It shocked her that the Doctor had to as well.

"Oh. Do you need a lift home then or..?" Clara couldn't help but notice that the Doctor sounded slightly hopeful in his sentence. She went through the detectors and grabbed her things.

"No. My boyfriend is picking me up." She replied straight. She was trying not to let any emotion into her voice. It bothered the Doctor that she spoke s casually of it, like many usually do about their partners. He had just assumed that if she wasn't married, she was single. He'd been hoping to talk to her. He'd even waited for an hour in the lift, just to catch her on her way out. He had to pretend to be saying goodbye to every employee as a sign of good will.

"Oh." He grabbed his things and walked to the door with Clara. Across the road a car was sitting, waiting. Clara waved at it and put up a finger to indicate that she'd be one minute. "So, how long have you two been together?" He muttered, trying to be polite.

"Right down to the serious stuff," she laughed. "Since Uni. Three years. And before you ask, he's called Sam, he's extremely handsome and yes I live with him. That saves all the awkward questions doesn't it?" The Doctor opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him. "And yes, I do love him. Now goodnight sir, thank you for your time today." She had suddenly changed her tone to one of respect for her boss. It made the Doctor's skin shiver and he didn't like it.

"It's just Doctor. No-one calls me sir." He answered. She nodded in acceptance.

"Well then, goodnight Doctor." She made her way across the road and opened the car door. He saw her kiss the driver before getting in and a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time devoured him, jealousy.

* * *

"How was work?" Sam asked once she'd sat in the car. She looked over to the Doctor for a brief moment.

"Hm? Oh, it was great. Had the interview with my boss which went well." Almost on cue, Clara received a text from the firm.

_Tomorrow, please report to floor 11 at 8am. You will be briefed on your new project then. _

"What is it?" Sam asked, concerned about Clara's shocked face.

"I think I just got promoted." She stuttered. Sam pulled her in for a hug and kissed her, but she couldn't stop thinking about the Doctor.

* * *

**Don't kill me! :o**


	15. Still So Far

**I know this is a tiny chapter, but I can't update tomorrow and might not be able to on Sunday. So I finished this when I was extremely tired for you guys! **

**Repeating a song I've used before: So Close by Jon McLaughlin. It's perfect for the chapter I think :)**

**I haven't forgotten you btw! Just a stressful weekend!**

* * *

It had been two weeks since the Clara met the Doctor again. She'd turned up to work the next day to discover that she was working on a new top secret project, that only three scientists were working on. It was so secret, even the board weren't allowed to be briefed against it. Of course, the Doctor and herself were two of the scientists. Another was a young girl called Rose, who was hopelessly in love with one of the board members, David. They were developing technology to enable time travel. Clara couldn't even tell Sam what she was doing, as she was bound by some secrets act.

On the first few days of the project, Clara avoided the Doctor as much as possible. She felt like he had promoted her because of their past relationship and so it could be resumed. She needed him to know that she wasn't interested. At least, she wanted him to know that. No, no, that was a fact. She didn't love the Doctor anymore.

After the first week, the Doctor took Clara aside to talk to her.

_"This project needs 100% concentration and trust Clara. I need you to talk to me." He said sternly, but still caring._

_"I am concentrated. I just don't want to bother the boss." She replied. He grabbed her arm to make sure she couldn't escape his glare._

_"We work together, Clara. I'm not your boss. Right now, we're equals. I need you to trust me." He pulled her in for a friendly hug. It felt like the kind you'd give your best friend after not seeing each other for a while._

_"Ok." She nodded and headed back to work._

Every day since then, they'd been laughing together and talking. They didn't mention much of their lives to each other, but chatted about random things. The Doctor had a tendency to come up behind Clara and change her equations by placing his arms over hers and engulfing her body in his. She didn't mind it at all, but she hated the fact she'd have to kick herself when her heart raced increased as she felt his hot breath on her neck. Then she would feel incredibly bare when he left. _No, you love Sam. The Doctor is just a friend now._

* * *

Sam had sensed something being wrong when she got her pay check.

"What's up honey? You look confused?" He asked concerned, patting the seat on the sofa next to him and signalling that she lie on him. She did so instinctively, her eyes never leaving the cheque she had been handed.

"I am." She replied, almost a whisper. Sam looked over Clara's head to glance a peak at what she was staring at. Then he saw the numbers and could have passed out.

"Woah! £15,000 a month? You've got to be kidding me." Clara's mouth was shaped in an *0* and her eyes were wide. She felt weird holding this much money in her hands.

"I think I'm dreaming." Clara said, still not diverting her eyes from the number of zeros.

"Clara. This is amazing! I'm so happy for you!" He cried and pulled her in for a kiss. She seemed hesitant and it worried him. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He asked, always concerned

"I just feel like it's wrong. Like I didn't deserve it," she whispered, and a small tear ran down her face. Immediately Sam wiped it away and pulled her up to face him. She told him all about the Doctor, from their first meeting to her new job.

"Listen to me Clara. You got that job because you deserved it. You're amazing!" Sam kissed Clara a few times more before they curled up on the sofa together.

* * *

The Doctor was up to something. Clara could tell. They'd been working together a month now and he was acting too kind and polite. She jumped every time she heard a bang, from anticipation of some prank she felt was going to be pulled.

She was writing down more paperwork, which is all she ever did these days, when the Doctor whispered in her ear, "I have something to show you."

She turned around so she could tease him, when she was hit in the face by a paper plate covered in whipped cream. It was in her hair, on her nose, up her nose, everywhere. She opened her mouth in shock as the Doctor laughed. He then pulled out his phone and took a few photos of her cream-covered, surprised expression.

He as holding the can of cream in one hand and his phone in the other. Clara smeared away the cream on her face with her sleeve. She stood up and walked towards the Doctor slowly. He didn't realise she was holding something until it was too late. She'd already squished her custard doughnut from lunch onto his head and then taken his can and squirted it down his shirt. They chased each other around the lab which they worked in. Rose had gone out for dinner with David, so it was just them. And they were thankful it was. From the amount of screaming, anyone would have thought something else was going on in there. The Doctor finally caught Clara, wrapping his arms around her from behind to stop her from getting away. He smudged a banana into her hair and mumbled, "I win."

She turned towards him, dangerously close. There faces were a few mere millimetres apart and his arms were still wrapped around her waist. She gazed into his eyes and they both started to lean in.

_He's so perfect. His lips are so appealing. _She thought. They edged close and closer to one another. _I can't stop looking at him. Oh God, I l..._

_No. No I love Sam. This is wrong. This is so, so wrong._

Just as their lips nearly touched, she jumped out of his arms and stood as far back as she could.

" I'm going to take a shower." She whispered, leaving the Doctor confused and hurt. She had just left him when they were about to kiss. His heart was still racing. He felt sad but guilty too. She was being loyal to her boyfriend, which he'd expect her to be. He wanted to go and apologise, but he wasn't sure if it would make it any worse.


	16. Searching For The Right

**Sorry for yesterday's non-update! Long weekend and so I wrote this for you guys! Smut warning for the chapter. I don't know why I keep writing it when I suck at it but ah well. OK: A lot of comments were asking for angry office sex, and it was kinda already part of the plan so I thought "why the hell not" and aimed to please you guys! Now, this is where the story is gonna get complicated. I hope you're all ready for that! But wow, 8000 views! And over 50 follows?! I LOVE YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY, I WOULD KISS YOU ALL IF I COULD!**

**Songs: Hmmm Let Me Fall by Idina Menzel (Jenna and Idina are my obsessions) and the other sung is by Rihanna. You'll figure it out when you read but it'll give away the story if I say it :/**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

It was Clara's birthday tomorrow. The Doctor wanted to do something really special. It couldn't just be another laugh in the lab or a random dinner at the local cafe. (There had been a lot of those lately). He wanted to make Clara feel really wanted and loved. He wanted to tell her that he still loved her. No, he needed to. He'd gotten her a necklace. It had her name engraved into a little circle on it. All around were jewels. He wasn't going to tell Clara how much it cost as she would lose her nut. She hated the fact that him owning an expensive company meant he had lots to spear. It honesty, he didn't want the money but he was more than happy to spend it on Clara.

"Clara!" He shouted out to her as he saw her hanging up her lab coat and heading towards the lift.

"Doctor." she grinned back. He couldn't help but return the gesture.

"Clara, you know...I was wondering...um...well you know how it's you birthday tomorrow?" he stuttered.

"Yes, I am aware of it." She teased, tugging on his arm as they walked into the elevator.

"Well, would you...? I don't know, maybe...like to go for dinner? My treat for you birthday?" He looked quite nervous in the hope he wouldn't be rejected.

"I'd love to. We should invite Rose and David too." She smiled. She knew that he was trying to ask her out but she couldn't accept. Not with Sam in the picture. "Would Sam be able to come too?" She added on the end.

"Um yeah, of course." He coughed to clear his throat, slightly hurt. "Of course he can come." Clara gave him a small hug as they left the lift to go through security.

"Thanks!" she replied. She went through security quite quickly, as she always did when the Doctor was around. "See you tomorrow!" She shouted as she left.

"Happy Birthday Clara!" He shouted back and he heard her giggle as she walked out into the cold air.

* * *

Clara threw her handbag under the coat hooks by her apartment door. It had been a long day and in honesty, she really didn't want her birthday to come. _Another year older_ she thought.

"Clara!" Sam shouted as he saw her, walking her through to the living room and sitting her down on the sofa. He opened his arms to curl up into and kissed her head a few times. "Good day at work?" He asked, as he always did.

"Yeah. Do you want to go to dinner with a few friends of mine tomorrow? It's for my birthday." She added the last part quietly.

"Which colleagues?" Sam asked. He said it coolly but inside he was burning to know. He was slightly worried that Clara's ex might be trying to make a move on her. He was very lucky that he didn't know the full extent of that reality.

"Oh you know." She murmured back, tiredly. "Rose, David, the Doctor...The usual lot." Sam pulled his arm tighter around Clara and kissed her forehead once more.

"Yeah I'll come." He whispered into her hair. He wouldn't dare miss it if the Doctor was going. He trusted Clara but not this Doctor guy. He could tell that Clara still had feelings for him and he didn't want to lose her. He knew what the Doctor had done to Clara when he left. He would never leave a girl as perfect as her. Sam watched as a few silent minutes ticked by. When the clock struck midnight, he shifted off the sofa and pulled Clara with him. They stood facing each other, Clara with a look of mass confusion on her face.

"Happy Birthday Clara." He said gently, then knelt down onto one knee.

Her mouth formed an *O* shape. "Oh my stars," she gasped.

"Clara. You are everything to me. I can't spend one minute not thinking about you. You are the everything to my nothing. Please, my darling Clara. Please, will you marry me?

Clara stood shocked and amazed. She couldn't explain what she was feeling right then.

* * *

The Doctor waited for Clara by the elevator. He wanted to give Clara her present as soon as he could. The moment he saw he saw Clara's brown eyes peep through the opening slots, he pulled her into his arms and spun her around. She looked so happy and giggled with shock at his action.

"Happy Birthday Clara!" He shouted, so everyone could hear. The whole floor suddenly burst out with lots of happy birthdays and she turned bright pink.

"Doctor!" She moaned and lightly punched his arm. He pretended to look hurt but Clara just laughed at his awful acting.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards his office. "Come on! I have something for you!" He cried.

"Doctor! You really didn't have..." Once they reached the office the Doctor had picked up her hand. He knew it felt wrong the moment he felt it. There was a new addition to her finger. A specific finger. He picked up her hand and examined the diamond ring placed on her ring finger. He looked into her eyes with a look of confusion and undisguised hurt.

"He..." Clara stuttered. She honestly didn't know what to say. "Sam, he proposed."

The Doctor's face fell to the ground and Clara could see it. "And you said..?" It was a stupid question on his part.

"Yes." She whispered. "Aren't you going to ask me how he proposed?"

"No need. You can spare me the details." The Doctor suddenly realised he had sounded extremely harsh judged from the sharp intake of breath she took. "Everyone in the office will be buzzing and it's one less story to tell." He tried to explain his words but she still looked extremely offended.

"Oh. It's just, I thought you'd want to know. I thought you'd _want_ to know." She whispered the last part so he couldn't hear. "Anyway, I'll get back to work." Clara turned on her heel to leave the room. The Doctor shook his head momentarily.

"Clara, wait!" He cried, causing her to turn back around. "I have your birthday present." He handed her an envelope. He'd left the necklace in his desk, unsure what signals it would send and realising that it would be completely inappropriate for a betrothed woman.

He handed her the envelope and she opened it to find a cheque in there written for £5000. "It's from the company by the way. That's above your salary," he added.

"I...I can't take this." she whispered in shock.

"No! Of course you can. Every employee gets extra money for their birthday. It's in your contract. You can check it if you want." He wasn't telling Clara that it was usually only £1000 and he had taken it the rest out of his own pocket.

"Doctor, you can't afford this..."

"It isn't me. The company." The Doctor seemed very plain and dismissive with his last words.

"Yeah. Well, thank the company for me." She was about to cry. She knew that the Doctor was going to always be like this now and she wasn't sure she could take it.

* * *

For weeks, the Doctor avoided Clara. They barely shared research and he purposely took his lunch breaks early so they wouldn't have to talk. It was driving Clara crazy. Her dinner birthday, the Doctor hadn't showed up. He had texted saying he had flu. She'd invited a few more friends, so it wasn't a small dinner, but she wanted the Doctor there.

Clara was getting angrier by the day. Sam wasn't helping at home, asking about wedding plans. She was getting stressed from the feeling that no-one would give her a minute to figure out what was going on. She took her opportunity to talk to the Doctor when Rose left for a two hour lunch break. She had a date with David and had been given permission to go out longer.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Clara shouted, slamming the door of the Doctor's office behind her as she walked in. There was no-one else on the tiny floor at the time so no-one could stare at her sudden outburst.

"Clara..." The Doctor started.

"Don't you dare Clara me!" She shrieked. "Ever since I told you about my engagement, you have avoided me. Treated me like a piece of crap on your shoe that you can't get rid of! And it is making me feel like crap. You go all shit in my face when you don't get your own way, well you know what? You can't always have everything you selfish twat!" She was fuming and the Doctor could tell. He stood up and moved around his desk to talk to her.

"I just think that a betrothed woman deserves her space, don't you?" He spat in her face. It made her angrier than ever.

"She also deserves respect." She spat back. "Something you wouldn't know existed." They were starting to be less powerful in their volume, but their spitefulness was rising.

"I know respect. You obviously don't as you are currently arguing with your boss."

"Boss, my arse. This isn't about work and you know it!"

"Oh really? Because we're just colleagues, right?"

She was breathing heavily and edged closer to him. "You arsehole." She whispered.

"Oh yeah?" He retaliated.

"Yeah." She spat back. Before she could register what was going on, the Doctor had grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss. She could barely move. She moaned against his mouth, but she wasn't sure whether it was from resistance or acceptance. After a short while he pulled away, leaving her shocked with her eyes wide open. He saw the look on her face and immediately felt guilty.

"I'm sorry." He whispered gently. He placed his palm on her face, as if to check for any damage. "I shouldn't have done that." He felt horrible and wished he could take the confused look off Clara's face.

"No." Clara whispered. When she looked down for a moment, the Doctor saw the tears filling up in Clara's eyes. "I wanted you to." The Doctor looked up at this and cupped the other side of her face with his spare hand.

"I want you to." She whispered. She felt awful. She shouldn't be feeling like this, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help shutting her eyes as his mouth drew closer once more. She couldn't help the butterflies filling up in her stomach when their lips touched. She couldn't stop herself from kissing back as passionately as she could.

He arms snaked around his neck as his did around her waist, pulling her closer. His tongue prodded at hers, asking for access which was almost instantly granted. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he spun her around so she could sit on his desk. Their kissing got more intense. Before Clara knew it, he was undoing the zipper on the back of her skirt and pulling it off, whilst Clara undid his trouser buttons and pulled them down as fast as she could. All her frustration and anger of the last few months was being let out in passion. She knew it should have felt wrong when the Doctor started to kiss down her neck, but all she could do was moan. She knew it should have felt wrong when she pulled off his shirt and stroked his muscles. It should have felt wrong when he slipped his fingers underneath her panties and pulled them off slowly. He then removed his boxers and she looked down to find his length stationed at her entrance. She put her arms slightly behind either side of herself, to stay balanced. Slowly, he entered her, voicing a soft moan. She gasped as he filled her to the hilt. After a short silence filled with heavy breaths, he started to move. With each thrust she let out a loud moan. She was worried that someone would hear them, forgetting that no-one was around. The Doctor moaned her name and over and over as he felt himself build. Clara's cries had started to increase in volume and she clenched around him to spurn him on. He cried out her name as he saw fireworks behind his eyes. At the feel of his release, Clara muffled her mouth into his neck, wrapping her arms around him and crying out. They stayed panting in the same position for a while, waiting for the breaths to calm down. The Doctor kissed Clara's forehead, then her nose, then her lips.

Clara suddenly felt a wave of guilt overtake her and tears filled her eyes. She had just cheated on Sam. Something she had sworn she'd never do. The Doctor saw it and started to stroke his thumbs under her eyes. "Hey?" He whispered, to try and comfort her. The tears fell faster at this. She felt extremely naked and vulnerable in what she was wearing. She slid off the desk and grabbed her clothes, quickly putting them on. The Doctor did the same at these actions. When she was done sorting out her hair, she turned to face the Doctor with tears stains down her cheeks. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her there.

"Oh God. What have I done?" She whispered. The Doctor knew that Clara couldn't do this. She was too honest, too loyal.

"Clara. It's okay. It'll be okay." She shook her head as he spoke.

"So I love my fiancée enough to marry him but I'm off fucking my ex-boyfriends. Right, that's really okay." She was confused. She was still coming off her high with the Doctor. At the same time as never wanting it to end, she wanted it to disappear and never come back.

"Clara. You have to do what you need to do. And I'll support you." He stood back from Clara to wipe her eyes.

She smiled up at him and pulled him in for a deep kiss. She knew that if she still felt things for the Doctor, she couldn't stay with Sam.

She planned on handing back the ring without telling him why, but she couldn't do it. She told him she felt sick that night when he'd offer they go to bed. Looking at him, she couldn't hurt the man who'd only ever been kind to her. In a way, she loved him. But she loved the Doctor too. She knew what she was going to do was wrong and against everything she'd ever believed in, but she wasn't sure of anything anymore. She would stay engaged to Sam, but not end things with the Doctor. She was cheating, big time.


	17. Don't Wanna Do This Anymore

**Boy, are you guys gonna love me this chapter. I can't seem to have a non-serious one recently. ugh. **

**Sorry if the ending is bad. I actually fell asleep writing this yesterday and only just finished it off now. If I miss a day, don't kill me. Some crap's going on at home and the access I have to my laptop where all my work is stored is being limited. Anyway, Hope you all like it! I love all your reviews btw! Nearly at 100! If I get over 100 by tomorrow, I'll take requests in for what you want to happen in the story!**

**Songs: Unfaithful by Rihanna and Get it Right from Glee.**

**I was listening to two songs and one fits the beginning story (Love You More by JLS) and the other just fits general whoufflé (Pretending from Glee). Hope that gives you feels or something. :p**

* * *

Everyday was a blessing for the Doctor now. He would run to work, just to make sure he met Clara at the elevator. And he would often wish he could speed up time so lunch time would come faster. But then he would want the lunch hour to slow down as it always went so fast. One thing he detested, Clara was still with Sam. She'd explained that she was only having sex with the Doctor to take her mind off things and not for love. The Doctor knew different though. He could see it in Clara's eyes when he leaned in to kiss her or when he made an inappropriate joke whilst others were around to make them raise their eyebrows. Clara wondered when the Doctor had gotten so confident in speaking about these kind of things. He'd always seemed so innocent before. Before. Things were different now, but Clara didn't want them to be. It was too complicated. It was a routine now. Going on for nearly two months. She'd go to work, at lunch would sneakily go into the Doctor's office, have sex with him and then get back to work before going home to Sam. Sam knew that something wrong with Clara. They rarely slept together anymore. She would put it off as she felt guilty about sleeping with two people in one day. But it wasn't really sleeping with the Doctor. It was just sex, that's all it could be. It wasn't something that she particularly liked the idea of. She was sure she loved the Doctor or she wouldn't be doing this.

Clara was gradually getting more stressed out about everything. She'd never been good at lying. Recently, Sam had started to ask if there was everything she needed to tell him. She felt like he knew. Like he could just tell or something that she was being unfaithful. The Doctor had stopped noticing that after every time they had sex, she would run to the showers that were there for chemical use and soak in the hot water. She felt so guilty all the time. The Doctor thought that they were closer than they'd been in years now, but in fact they weren't. At first, he didn't quite yet noticed her disappearing after lunch hours and going home. He only started to add things together when she begun missing work completely. He decided to venture over to her flat.

He knocked three times on the door and pace back and forth. It wasn't a big flat like his, but it was definitely bigger than the one he and Clara had shared several years prior. He heard the door open and before him stood a young man. He looked in his twenties and the Doctor knew this was Sam. At first glance, the Doctor hated him. He was annoyingly attractive. He had dusty blonde hair that was ruffled up on his head matched with astonishingly blue eyes. He had a slight tan and had big muscles. he was basically a walking super model.

"Hi, I was wondering if Clara's in?" The Doctor said as politely as he could. "I'm her boss and she's been missing a lot of work lately. I was wondering if she is okay?"

Sam nodded in approval at hi explanation to being at the door. "Come in." He smiled. He had a very soft voice. He opened the door for the Doctor to walk into their flat. The Doctor was guided to the living room where he took a seat on the sofa.

Sam sat opposite him and smiled. "Is Clara here?" The Doctor asked impatiently.

"Yeah. But she's asleep. I don't really know what's wrong with her. She seemed to be getting really worked up about something at work. Said she couldn't tell me. I know she had to sign some secrets agreement but I am her boyfriend you know?" Sam seemed extremely stressed out too. The Doctor was pretty sure he knew what was wrong with Clara.

"She was crying at night about messing up. A few days ago, I refused to let her go into work in the state she was in. Sorry about that. She said she'd called in." Sam stood up and walked towards the small kitchen joined to the living room. "Tea?" He asked.

"Yes please." The Doctor replied. "I'm sorry Sam, but Clara never called in sick. She hasn't called in at all." The Doctor stood up and walked over to the kitchen with an extreme look of concern on his face.

"No. I saw her make the call." Sam muttered under his breath. "Why would she not tell you?" Sam asked the Doctor but it seemed more rhetorical. They stayed silent as the kettle boiled and made their way back over to the sofa when their brews were made.

"I know." Sam murmured. "I know about you and Clara." The Doctor's heart froze and his eyes widened.

"Oh." The Doctor whispered. He immediately wanted to get as far away as he could.

"I get that you still care for her, but Doctor, what you had was years ago. But I don't want to come between your friendship with her. When you first started working together, she never shut up about you. About how clever you are. I don't even think she realised she was doing it. You mean something to her Doctor and that means you matter to me too. I know it's bad timing, but I think it would mean the world to Clara if you were a witness at the wedding?"

He didn't know about him and Clara. He only knew about their past relationship.

"I don't know..." The Doctor whispered. He couldn't be signing a paper that joined Clara to another man when all he'd be thinking about was how much he wanted her.

"Please. It would mean everything to Clara. I just want her to be happy." Sam was almost begging the Doctor. This man truly meant it. He would do anything for Clara. He would give up his life for her, and the Doctor didn't do that.

"I'm not a wedding person Sam. I might, but I can't be sure yet. Work and all that." He tried to think of any excuse he could. He no longer wanted to see Clara. He wanted to run away from her life altogether. She needed Sam and he hadn't seen how much he'd messed that up, until now. "Anyway, I'd best be off. Erm, could you tell Clara to call me when she can" The Doctor stood and then had a sudden thought. "Actually, can I use your bathroom very quickly?" Sam nodded and laughed and showed him where to go. Once the doctor was in there he dug a piece of paper out of his pocket and wrote a letter. He tucked it in Clara's make-up bag, hoping Sam wouldn't find it. A tear ran down his face. He quickly wiped it off and flushed the toilet so no-one would get suspicious. He ran out of the house as quick as he could, shouting his goodbyes to Sam.

* * *

Clara opened her bedroom door as she saw the front door close.

"Sam, who was that?" She asked. She looked a lot better and Sam ran to her side to plant a kiss on her lips and pull her in for a hug.

"Your boss was checking up on you. He wants you to call. Why didn't you call them?" Sam looked concerned and Clara felt like she wanted to throw up.

"Excuse me." She shot out and ran to the bathroom. She luckily wasn't sick, but sat on the toilet seat for a while trying to sort out her head. She looked in the mirror and saw the bags under her eyes. She was a mess. Clara picked up her make-up bag and rummaged through it to find some concealer. She cam across a note with the Doctor's handwriting on.

_My dearest Clara._

_I know I shouldn't be here, but I am. I met Sam. He's an amazing guy. A really amazing guy. I don't want you getting sick over this. I want you better and happy. He's better than me. You can't deny it. He loves you more than the universe. You need him. I'm sorry for confusing you. If you wish to change projects that you are currently working on, call reception and leave me a message saying River. I will do it immediately for you. You know where to find me. _

_Love, always, your Doctor_

Clara felt her heart burst into sections and she wanted to be sick again. She needed to see him.

* * *

The Doctor was checking all incoming calls from Clara. The office were to document whatever she said when she did. But no call came.

Instead, the Doctor heard a knock at his office door. A pale and tired looking Clara stood at his door.

"Wow. You look awful." The Doctor laughed.

"Oh thanks." Clara didn't seem impressed at this. He stood up to go and hug her but she took a step back. "I found your note." She whispered. His whole body stiffened and the tears he'd shed earlier threatened to spill again.

"And?" He choked.

"I don't want to be moved projects." The Doctor let out a small sigh of relief. "I want to quit." His heart stopped beating. No. She couldn't do that. His eyes widened and he felt sick to the stomach.

"Clara, you can't..."

"I have to." Tears were rolling down her face. "I can't do this anymore. I can't, I can't! Sam, he loves me. Like you said, he loves me more than anything. I need a life and a home. I love him too Doctor. We're going to start a life together. A home, a stable job, a family. We can't carry this on. I'm going to marry him for God's sake. He doesn't deserve this. I can't do this to him, to you." Clara was sobbing but the Doctor daren't take her into his arms and comfort her in case it gave off the wrong impression.

"Clara. Don't quit. Please." She shook her head an wrapped her arms around herself from protection. Protection from all the hurt she was feeling.

"I would like a leave form please." She tried to sound as stern as she could, wiping away her tears. He retrieved one from his desk and handed it to her. She filled it out as fast as she could, breaking his heart as she wrote on. When she was done, she handed it to him and he read through it.

"I will have to file this with the board tonight. I will then inform you whether or not this has been accepted. I must remind you that you are currently bound in a year contract and therefore could be forced to work if this is rejected." He sounded like her boss.

"Don't you dare." She whispered under her breath.

"I will not try and enforce these rules but you must be informed of them Ma'am." Clara could feel that this was it. They were going to end like this. She wished she'd never seen him again. Life would have been so easy.

* * *

"We cannot lose Miss Oswald. She is one of our best employees!" A board member argued. The Doctor had handed them the forms and requested them be filed immediately.

"But Miss Oswald doesn't wish to work here anymore. She is getting married. I think she should be allowed." The Doctor argued in her favour.

"If you ask me, it's very sudden." David intervened. "She was saying just two weeks ago that she loves this place. Are you sure there isn't anything going on at home?" He was concerned about Clara, as were the other board members. She'd grown on them and they needed to know she was okay.

"No. Her home life is perfect actually. Look, I'd do anything to stop her going." The Doctor growled. Every person in the room noticed it. Out of the 9 there, only two were women and one was the Doctor.

"Wow, you're annoyed. If you don't want her to leave, why are you filing this?" One woman asked.

"Because it needs to be done. I can't make her do this anymore." Everyone went quiet and the Doctor knew he'd have to explain. They'd all look down on him for sure but he had to tell someone. "Clara and I knew each other from years ago. We went through some emotional stuff together and were basically in love. But I was sent to LA. I left her. Let's just say, I didn't exactly take it slowly when I found her again. Things happened between us but she's engaged. She has every right to forget about this place and move on." Everyone looked slightly shocked that the Doctor had done this but also not very surprised.

"Okay." David whispered.

* * *

Clara got a text from the Doctor. She'd been waiting outside in the cold for half an hour.

_Form accepted_

That was all it said. Clara looked up to the eleventh floor. She saw a faint figure with their hand pressed up against the glass, looking down. She turned away with tears running down her cheeks.

He let go of the glass as she walked towards her car. He could taste the salty wetness covering his face. He never thought the tears could stop. He'd lost her again, but this time for the better. They weren't right for each other, contrary to his beliefs.

"Clara..." He whispered to himself as he hugged his knees. "I love you."

* * *

**I feel like I'm going to be murdered because these two just can't seem to catch a break**


	18. Nothing's Fine, I'm Torn

**Next chapter up! Wasn't going to post one but you're all lucky that I love you guys too much! :p Bit of Dave in this chapter (go Dave!). Thanks for all the amazing follows and reviews! Nearly at 10,000 views! OMG! and 3 more reviews until 100! Pleeeaaase review if you like the story/chapter! And tell me what you want to happen. I'd like to know!**

**Songs: Torn. (My Mum used to have it on a cassette for the car when I was little. By Natalie Imbruglia!)**

* * *

Spring was finally starting to come. April. It had been around two months since Clara had last seen the Doctor and life was pretty good for her. Her wedding was booked for that July. Sam had said it was a little rushed, but she was adamant on having it sooner rather than later.

Sam loved Clara more than anything. He could see that she loved him too. But sometimes, he could see this flicker in her eye when she let her guard down. It was a doubt. But it was no doubt of him, surely. She didn't look concerned or accusing in it at all. It was of herself. She seemed to be doubting herself. Sam still didn't know why she'd quit her job. She'd claimed it was so she wouldn't be busy all the time, but he suspected different. He wasn't a judgmental person, but from what he had seen of the Doctor, it was obvious he still cared for Clara. For weeks after she quit, she would cry in her sleep or take midnight showers to be alone. Her detachment scared Sam a little. He didn't ever want Clara to feel alone, but that was how she was acting. She was most definitely feeling it too. She had everyone around her looking out for her, yet she was still more alone than ever.

* * *

Clara had gone to visit her father for the weekend. She missed him a lot and really wanted to see him. The moment she walked through the door, Dave knew something was wrong. Clara looked...off. Like she wasn't fully there. He'd seen her this way before, once. It was a sight he never wanted to see again. Upon seeing her, he pulled her in for a hug. She gave him a few stern comments about being over-protective much, but he knew that it had helped.

"Clara, do you want to watch a movie?" Dave shouted through to the kitchen, from the living room.

"Um, no, I'm good." She replied dully. Most of the sentences she formed had no life to them. She walked through from the kitchen and placed herself on the sofa. Dave watched a bit of Top Gear for a while before muting the screen. Clara, although uninterested in the programme, looked up at him confused.

"Clara, are you ok?" Dave asked, concerned. Clara's breath caught and she knew that tears were going to start if he didn't leave it.

"Of course I am." She put on a fake smile but Dave wasn't fooled.

"Clara, what's wrong?" You seem so distant and hurt. Have you been hurt? Oh God, has Sam hurt you?" Dave was getting angry at his ideas and Clara placed her hands on his to calm him down.

"No, no, no! Sam would never hurt me Dad!" Clara cried. "He's a great guy." She still looked sad.

"Then what's wrong sweetheart?" He asked. Clara could feel her eyes filling up with threatening tears. "I don't understand why you're so secretive. Has someone hurt you in some way? You say that Sam's a great guy, but if he's making you feel like this I don't..."

"It's me Dad!" Clara shouted, interrupting his babbling. He saw his daughter crying into her hands, head in her knees on the sofa. The sight shocked him and he pulled her in for a hug. "Sam would never hurt me. It's me. I hurt _him."_ Clara whispered.

Dave knew Clara wasn't violent. He knew that she must have done something she couldn't come to terms with. "Dad, you know how I told you that the Doctor was my boss?" She kept her head buried in her hands and silent tears still built up and spilt down her warm skin.

"Yeah. You didn't shut up about him," Dave murmured with a smile, but this just made Clara sob louder.

"I'm so stupid. I was confused. How can I love Sam when I can do something like that to him? I can't do it! I can't lie anymore!" Dave added up the dots together and took in what his daughter was saying. He'd never thought Clara would do a thing like that. She was too dedicated to everyone around her. He could tell that this had torn her apart inside and it had him too, seeing her like this.

"Clara? Did you sleep with the Doctor?" Dave whispered. His hold on Clara slightly loosened. He had to ask, to be sure.

She just nodded slowly. "It was while you were already engaged, wasn't it?" Clara nodded again. "But, it's ok. If it was just the once, he doesn't need to know..."

Clara shook her head this time. "It wasn't once Dad." She was barely speaking above a whisper.

"How long?" He asked. He could hear the thickness in Clara's voice.

"A little over a month." She started crying harder from disgust with herself. Dave knew that what she had done was wrong, but she was his daughter. He gripped her tight and stroked her hair.

"Clara." He urged. She looked up at him. "Clara, you have to tell Sam."

"No!" She looked frightened all of a sudden. "No, he'll leave me. He'll hate me!" She looked so stressed at the idea.

"He won't hate you. But he will if he finds out later rather sooner. He needs to know." Dave knew that this was not going to end well. Clara's life had been perfect. She was about to get married. Honestly, Dave blamed the Doctor. He had always been the cause of all problems in their lives.

"Ok." Clara whispered. She fell asleep on Dave's knee and he carried her to her room like she was still just a child. In his eyes, she was. But he knew she wasn't. Her problems were no longer teasing at school that could be sorted by a phone call to school from him. Now she had to do it alone, and he had to let her.

* * *

"Clara, hi!" Sam chirped as she entered the door. "Did you have a good time at your Dad's?" He embraced her in a hug which she did not return.

"Clara, what's wrong?" He pulled back, concerned.

"We need to talk." She spoke at the loudest volume she could manage.

They both sat down opposite each other on two sofas. Clara was tapping her fingers on her knees and shaking. Something was obviously not right. Sam reached out to hold her hand but she flinched away from him.

"Sam..." She whispered. "Sam, you need to know something."

"What? What's wrong? Are you ok?" Like Dave, Sam immediately wanted to check on her wellbeing.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She murmured. He looked worried. She had to stare at the floor. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't look at his face. "Sam, I did something. Something awful and wrong."

Sam looked worried. "Clara, I don't care what you've done. You know that!"

"No, Sam, listen!" She shouted. She finally looked up with tears in her eyes, and once hers met his, she couldn't break the eye contact. "Sam, I cheated." The words were choked out and Sam's eyes widened at them.

"I know it's not good enough, but I'm sorry. I couldn't do it to you anymore. All the lying. I love you more than anything and I did that to you." She whispered her words. Every syllable made Sam look even more hurt and angry.

"It was the Doctor. Don't lie, I know it was him." Sam's eyes filled with tears and he turned away from her.

"Sam, I'm sorry..." She tried to tell him.

"How long?" He demanded. She dropped her eyes.

"A month." She turned in the opposite direction to him.

"You had sex with him for a month? I thought we were getting married Clara! And I know this was after the engagement because you weren't working a month together before I proposed!"

Sam was angry now. He clenched his fists together in pain. "Why?" He stuttered.

"I don't know. I'm sorry." She was barely audible.

Sam turned back to her and tried to relax. He could see the guilt coursing through her body as she tried to hide her emotions from him. He stood and walked over to the other sofa. He placed his hand on her shoulder and she shook. She wasn't expecting it.

"It'll be okay." Sam murmured. "Clara, do you still love me?"

"Yes." She cried. His slightly tight grip on her relaxed.

"Well then, we'll forget about this." He suddenly spoke up.

"What?" Clara turned around in confusion.

"We'll still get married. Pretend this never happened. We all make mistakes. Clara, I love you. I still want to be with you." Sam pulled her in to a hug. She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

She knew that he was being foolishly kind. This was never going to last. She could feel his clenched fists holding her. He was holding her gently though. All his anger had been channelled into this are of his body so he didn't do anything stupid. He couldn't hurt Clara. Sam couldn't stand to see Clara hurt. Maybe that was where his weakness was.


	19. Just Wanna Scream

**This is mostly the Doctor's point of view. _mostly._ Over 100 reviews and 10,000 views! You know I love you guys, right? I just have to say it over and over because you're all so amaaazing! I know this is short but I actually really like the way this chapter turned out :D **

**I would have updated yesterday, but I was in hospital all night because I've sprained my ankle so when I got home I just flopped down on my bed and fell straight to sleep. :/ Next chapter, I'm going to go through everyone who had ever reviewed or PMd me about this story to say thank you because it is amazing how many of you have said such amazing things to me! It makes me smile when nothing else can so THANK YOU!**

**Songs: Untitled by Simple Plan. Also Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory. :D Both beautiful songs**

* * *

He would just call in sick. Yet another day when the Doctor didn't show up for work. At first it had only been once or twice, but it was a few times a week now. He'd stay at home and drink whatever alcohol he could find, or be suffering from the hangover of the night before. He knew full well that this was stupid behaviour. He had let Clara go. His choice, no-one else's. Although she had left him entirely.

* * *

They day the invite came through the post was when he got into this state. He barely read past, _"The wedding of Clara..."_ before he ripped it up and set it on fire. He had never been one to drink, but he'd found a bottle of Jack Daniels and had finished it in minutes. He then went on to whatever he could find in his house. This happened most night now. One night, he'd been particularly drunk, he'd found a photo of him and Clara. It was when they were teenagers, two days before Christmas. He remembered the day well. He had never been so happy. He grabbed his lighter and set it on fire, knowing that it was the only copy. He couldn't stand to see her smiling anymore. He knew this was stupid. Developing a hate for someone who had only ever done good. He had been the one to let go after all. He was fed up. Once he'd said that a monster like him could never be loved, and he was right.

He _was_ a monster. A monster in so many ways. His parents hadn't love him enough to bring him up, orphaned as a baby. His only remaining blood relatives had killed everyone he loved. A woman saved his life because he was too scared to die. And he had killed his cousins for revenge. He had taken a young girl away from her father and changed her. Damaged her. He caused her to jump of a bridge in an attempt to find death. He had caused her to cry herself to sleep every night. And then, once he'd got his claws in so deep that she couldn't escape him, he pushed her away leaving her hurt and upset. She had a happy life before him. But he had to come back all those years later. She was going to have the perfect life. She had a fiancée who loved her dearly, with friends and family and money. Then he stole her again. He made her confused and scared. He made her betray everyone she loved and made her feel guilty about it. But worse, at the time he hadn't even cared. He only cared about what he wanted, which was having her to himself. He didn't care about what it would do to her emotions. He didn't care about what it would do to her family, her boyfriend, her future. Clara once told the Doctor that he wasn't a monster, he was just human. But a monster doesn't have to be obvious. He _was_ a monster, because he had ruined this girls life so many times. But he was a stupid monster, because he'd fallen in love with this girl. But like every fairytale says, who could love a beast?

* * *

It was today. That stupid wedding was today. He wasn't going. Why should he have to smile and pretend to be happy for her when all he wanted to do was steal her away forever? He lost himself in his drink and his tears. He started as his lighter a few times. He'd never smoked in his life, but it couldn't hurt to give it a try. He'd bought some cigarettes the other day, but copped out. Now he didn't care. He lit one and sucked it in. It made him cough and splutter. Usually be would have put it down, but he was determined to make himself a wreck. He wanted to get as low as he could on this day. He didn't know why. He couldn't use it to blame Clara. He just knew that this was a day he never wanted to happen.

He'd once promised Clara that he would go to her wedding and smile for her. Back then, she'd told him that he'd be the groom. He knew she'd be wrong in that moment. If only he could go back and tell her just how amazingly wrong she'd be, he would. He loved her. But one thing he could never do is make her love him. Not any drug or piece of technology in the world could do that.

He hadn't been entirely rude on this day. A few weeks prior, he'd had the company send them a few thousand pounds to get them started on there way. Now that Clara wasn't earning any where near what she was before, if anything at all, he guessed they'd need it.

He hadn't been counting how many drinks he'd taken, but he suddenly felt dizzy and his head hit the ground. He woke up a few hours later. It was already dark, so he had slept through the whole thing. _Thank God_ he'd thought as he climbed into a shower. He owned such a huge apartment but it was so empty with just him. He needed someone there. Clara. No, not Clara. She was now married. He needed someone, anyone, there with him. That was it! He'd decided that he was going to find another girl. Another girl to take his mind off Clara. He got out of the shower and threw on his clothes. He travelled to a few bars, before he found a young blonde girl who happily went home with him. He was too drunk to even be thinking what he was doing and he honestly didn't care.

* * *

She finally brought up the courage to walk to his flats. She knew that he lived on the second floor. They were big apartments and she was slightly intimidated by them. She was about to pull up her fist and nock on his door, when she heard strange noises coming from his flat. It was obvious what was going on in there. She'd heard those noises before herself. She'd blown it. He didn't want her anymore and it was all her fault. She'd made him hate her. She could see the shadows of his body moving with another's through the closed curtains in the window. She didn't even make a sound as she walked away. She knew that her state of mind was off before she chose to wonder to a bar and have a few drinks. She usually hated drowning her sorrows in alcohol, but she wasn't thinking properly and she honestly didn't care.


	20. Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?

**Sorry for not updating yesterday! I promised I would but fanfiction was down and I fell asleep before it was up again because I was exhausted. And this is such a short chapter so I apologise for that too. Life has just been extra stressful these last few days because of my ankle. **

**But this chapter should make you happy. I hope :)**

**Songs: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum **

Clara put her head in her hands. She was so stressed with her work. She had to mark fifty student's books for the next day. And maths. She had no idea why she was a maths teacher. Oh yeah, because she'd chosen to go to University to do maths instead of science. It was her least favourite subject even though she was top in her class for it at Cambridge.

"Another one Clara?" The guy behind the counter of the coffee shop pointed at a box of teabags. She came here usually and he knew her order. She nodded after realising that she'd finished her last cup, which was already her third. She usually just sat here for hours doing her work in a corner. The chairs were comfortable and she preferred to be alone in noise rather than the silence which could consume her.

After her fifth cup, which certainly wasn't healthy, and almost falling asleep on the table she realised that she had only marked half the books and groaned quite loud. She hadn't considered just how loud it would be until someone in the queue hushed her.

"Oi, no need to make so much noise!" She looked up at the woman staring at her. She knew that face anywhere.

"Jenny?" She asked, suddenly beaming up at the woman. Jenny furrowed her brow for a moment before raising her eyebrows up in shock and covering her open mouth with her hand.

"Oh my...!" She was speechless. "Clara!" She smiled and opened her arms which made Clara promptly stand up and run into them.

"Jenny! It's been so long! I'm shocked you even remember me!" Clara was grinning from ear to ear, something she hadn't done in a long time.

"Of course I remember you! You were probably the most stressful person I ever came across!" It was clear Jenny wasn't going to mention that Clara had been her patient. To everyone around this seemed like a friendly reunion and they didn't want to draw more attention to themselves than they already had.

They both sat down at Clara's table smiling. "So how are you? What are you doing?" Jenny was shooting out all the questions she could think of.

Clara laughed. "I'm good. I'm now a teacher. I was a scientist for some time but now I'm not."

Jenny passed off Clara's weird change in tone. "So, you married?" She asked randomly.

Clara's face dropped for a slight moment before regaining her smile. "No, no I'm not married."

"Why not? You're a beautiful girl! And before you object, you really are! It's so weird seeing you full grown!" Clara was now bright red. She hated when people complimented her.

"I was almost married last year. But you know how things go." Clara drunk some of her tea to relieve any awkwardness. "So, how are you?"

"Me can wait Clara. I want to know what you mean by almost!" Jenny was being enthusiastic but also friendly.

"Well I was kind of engaged to this boy Sam." Jenny was half expecting her to say the Doctor. "but something happened and although we moved on, I couldn't do it."

"Oh. Clara, I'm sorry. You'll find someone else." Jenny gave her a half smile to try and lift the mood.

"Well I won't if I can't get rid of this ridiculous work load." They both chuckled a little.

"Iced mocha?" the man shouted and Jenny lifted up her arm.

"That's mine!" She shouted and they remained silent for a moment as she was handed her order.

"Oh, you'll never guess who I saw the other day!" Jenny half whispered to Clara.

"Who?" Clara felt giddy at the thought of gossiping and actually socialising for once.

"The Doctor!" Clara's face dropped and she took a sip of her tea to disguise her shock.

"Oh. Really? How's he doing?" Clara was coughing out her words.

"I'm not sure. I just bumped into him. He was wearing the weirdest things. His sense in fashion really hasn't taken a turn for the better has it? But he just apologised and walked straight on. Mustn't have recognised me."

"Yeah, those Victorian clothes really don't suit him." Clara murmured.

"Oh, you've seen him lately then?" Jenny spoke quite loudly. "Sorry, I just assumed that you would have broken up a while ago."

"Yeah, he was kinda my boss for a bit." She looked down at her fingers at a signal of being uncomfortable.

"Your boss? When was this?"

"While I was engaged." Clara whispered. Jenny quickly caught on.

She mouthed "oh" before actually saying it.

"Yeah." Clara suddenly looked down at her watch and starting shifting around.

"You know, I should really get home. I have to be at work tomorrow." Clara stood up and put on her coat.

"Oh, of course. Could we meet again soon?" Jenny smiled at Clara and stood up.

"Yeah, course!" She took the phone Jenny was holding out to her and entered her number. "Speak soon?"

"Yeah. It's good to see you Clara." Jenny pulled Clara into a tight hug. "Clara, you will find someone. Maybe you've already found them, you just need to look."

Clara nodded and took in what she said. "Maybe." She then walked away.

* * *

She knew exactly who she wanted to find but he wasn't interested. She'd accepted that she'd be alone a while ago. But seeing Jenny reminded her of when she was seventeen. How naïve she was, agreeing to go to a stranger's home. Then moving in with him on their second meeting. Losing herself and finding it again, with him. She wasn't herself without him. She just wished she'd realised before. He had always been there for her and done what was best for her. She needed him back.


	21. Heart Beats Fast

**The story will have one or two more epilogue chapters after this I think, unless you guys desperately want me to carry it on. But I might start a new fiction if I can think of a decent idea. I am actually going to miss writing this so much! You guys are the best for reading this and supporting it. Words cannot express how grateful I am. So here is a list of everyone to say thank you to:**

**The impossible soufflé, NoLongerAGuest, acousticsandy, only-the-sassiest, the twenty third of November, theworldwaits, ObeyYourHeart, Misiu, ChasingtheStars123, River-spoilers, claireiebearie, thaliaviolet, breathoffreshwords, j0b00m, gallifreyirishrose, lazytv8, pageturnergirl and esthealice17. **

**And a HUGE thank you to copiesofclara, Loverly Souris, fortunecookie99 and lunawing610. I think you actually all managed to review every single chapter with something new and sweet every time! Words are not enough to tell you how much that means to me!**

**I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE END BUT THESE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVER REVIEWED AND THIS IS TO ALL THE GUESTS!**

**Now...Songs: Read All About It- Emeli Sande because why not? And the song you HAVE to have for a Whoufflé story, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri**

* * *

She walked forward. She could do this. She _could _do this. She stopped a few feet before the door. Her breathing quickened and she had to close her eyes and breath slowly for a few moments before she could carry on. Once she arrived at the door, she quickly knocked three times.

"Come in." The voice on the other side of the door called. She opened the door slowly and as quietly as she could.

"Reception called saying you wanted an appointment with me. I don't take any..." He looked up and stood agape at the woman in the door. This had happened once before and he never forgot it. "...personal interns" he finished and his eyes widened.

"Hi." Clara whispered, fiddling with her fingers.

"Hello." The Doctor smiled up at her and rose from his chair behind his desk. She noticed it was now a lot bigger and could twist around. The office hadn't changed much.

"Umm..." Clara shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno..." she murmured.

"How are you?" The Doctor asked, keeping a safe distance.

"I'm ok." She corrected herself. "Good, I'm good. You?"

"I'm good too." He slightly smiled but kept in his formalities. "How's married life for you?"

He looked down at his feet, as did Clara.

"I'm not...married." She whispered.

"What?" The Doctor's head rose up quickly, eyes widened and a smile he couldn't hold back creeping onto his face. "I mean, how come? Are you divorced already?"

Clara chuckled and rolled her eyes at his blunt happiness. She stepped forward towards him to break a little of the tension in the room. "I never got married."

"But, I thought..." he stuttered on his words. "I got an invite. I swear you..."

"I couldn't do it." she interrupted. He raised his eyebrows, telling her to carry on. "I told Sam about...us. He didn't mind. Well, he did but he forgave me and promised to work through it with me. But two days before the wedding I realised, why..." She swallowed to clear her throat. "How, could I love a man enough to marry him when I could cheat on him so easily? I'd always just assumed that I still loved Sam but it suddenly occurred to me that I might not. And he was talking about starting a family and raising kids and grand-kids and it hit me that I didn't want that with him and I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. So, I told him and left. I felt like a cow and it was hell explaining that to all the guests, but it was the right thing to do. I wanted to tell you first because...because I realised that you're the one I want to be with and I can't live without you."

She rushed out most of her words, especially the last line and the Doctor only caught some of it but enough to understand what had happened.

"But the wedding was a year ago Clara. Why now? Why not tell me then?" He was really confused and slightly hurt that she hadn't made contact in a year.

"I did." She piped up. "Well, I mean...I tried to. The night of the day of the wedding, I went over to your apartment. I was going to knock but I saw through the window and you were with someone else. I didn't want to interrupt." Clara closed her eyes for a moment before rubbing her forehead. "And I shouldn't now either. You have a life and a home and...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake."

She turned to set back for the door but felt the Doctor's hand grasp her arm. She didn't turn at first and stayed looking away.

"Clara" he said, slightly concerned. "I'm not with anyone. That night...I was mad because it was your wedding night. I went to a pub and got drunk. I don't even remember who the girl was. It was a really low moment."

Clara turned back to face him, tears pricking at her eyes that she was determined to keep down. She'd learnt over the past year that showing your emotions doesn't help. She believed it was better to lock them all in.

"Clara..." he whispered, using his other arm to stroke her face. He trailed his fingers through the top of her silky chocolate hair, to the slightly blushed cheeks and over her pale, delicate skin. She was like a china doll. So precious and so perfect. Her eyes gleamed up at him, sparkling in the light. His grip on her arm released and he wrapped his hand around her waist. She had just a second to catch her breath before his lips captured hers in a passionate embrace. He was practically drinking from her lips, only leaving hers for slight gasps of air. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled herself as close against him as she could, proving to herself that this was real and not a dream. He held her tight, running one hand through her hair and grasping it every so often. They didn't care about the world around them, only each other.

Clara eventually pulled away, breathing heavily to try and get her air supply back to normal. She hadn't done that in a long time and she wasn't used to it. The Doctor leant his forehead against hers, cradling her head.

"This isn't what it was before. This is for real right?" He whispered heavily.

"This is definitely for real. I only want you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realise." He shook his head again.

"Never be sorry for what's gone. Just think about now." He kissed her again and again. She felt like it was going on forever. She never wanted it to end.

* * *

They both flew apart from each other when they heard a knock on the door.

"Doctor, could you sign off on this paperwork? It needs your signature to be confirmed." Rose stepped into the room and the Doctor made his way over to his desk, trying to straighten out his hair. Rose looked slightly confused for a short moment before seeing Clara on a chair at the other side of the room.

As the Doctor started to sign several sheets of paperwork, Rose turned to her. "Clara!" She cried and ran over to her to give her a hug. The Doctor was giggling behind his desk and Clara gave him an evil glare over Rose's shoulder for it. "What are you doing here? Please tell me you're coming back? It's been hell working with Mr. Grumps over there!" She pointed at the Doctor who pulled a pout. Clara laughed and stood apart from Rose.

"Well?" Rose asked after a few moments silence.

"Yeah, she'll be working with us." The Doctor spoke so casually and it made Clara gape in horror.

"Hey, I never said I was looking for a job!" She cried.

"So, you want to remain being a maths teacher and marking crappy grades? Yeah sure." He murmured. He had a habit of becoming very professional around co-workers.

"Of course I don't want...Hang on! How do you know what I do for a job?" She knew the answer already and raised her eyebrows in utter shock.

"Oh." The Doctor looked up at Clara and looked a little scared from her glare. "I may have checked up on you. I just wanted to know you were doing okay!"

"But if you thought I was married, how did you find me?" She asked, intrigued.

"You may have bumped into a nurse in a coffee shop, who then tracked me down at my request and told me how you were." He smirked at himself a little.

"You sent Jenny to find me?" Clara was half laughing but still completely stunned by his actions.

"No. She found you and I found out she had later. But, do you want the job or not?" He gave her a huge grin that made her heart melt.

"Of course I do." She smiled and his grin managed to get even wider.

"Yey!" Rose shouted out in excitement. The Doctor and Clara had both forgotten she was in the room and turned to look at her. Almost on cue, the room burst out laughing and fell on the floor in hysterics.

* * *

Clara stayed at TARDIS for the rest of the day until the Doctor went home. She'd taken the bus there, not getting a return ticket and therefore she didn't have enough for the ride home. The Doctor, all too willingly, offered to take her home. In his tiredness he "accidentally" took her back to his.

"Sorry!" I forgot to ask where you live. I just drove I guess." He hit himself on the head.

"It's fine. I don't mind," Clara smirked. He turn to look at her and she pulled him in for a kiss. She was smiling cheekily as she pulled back and she bit her lip. She gently got out of the car, shut the door and walked up to his apartment. He laughed to himself and followed her up, locking his car on the way.

* * *

Clara was curled up in the Doctor's arms as he slept.

"Mum." she whispered, looking up at the ceiling. "I think I've finally got it right. No, I know I've got it right this time. I hope you'll be proud of me Mum. I love you so much."

"Clara?" The Doctor murmured, opening his eyes. She turned around to face him and buried her head in his chest. "Who were you talking to?"

"My Mum." She whispered back. "It makes me feel like she's still here, looking over me."

"She is." He replied, fondling her head. Clara shut her teary, sleepy eyes. "She's at home in your heart, Clara."

"Home." She whispered, opening her eyes for a moment and looking up at the Doctor's closed ones. "Home is with you." He pulled her closer to him and they fell asleep in the other's arms. Nothing felt wrong or weird about it because it had always been this way. It had always been the Doctor and Clara. They were finally home.

* * *

**Not the end! although it feels like it a little :( Tell me what you want to now happen with this story because I will carry it on if you guys have any good suggestions or I will just do one or two chapters of an epilogue to finish it off :)**


	22. Author's Note

**SO...**

**Basically I look at all your reviews and decided what will happen to this story. I will NOT do an epilogue because I'm going to write a sequel. I just really like where I left this story and I feel like an epilogue would be too cheesy. It won't be as many chapters as this has been, I think, but it will be a few. **

**I hope you've loved the story and this is a final thank you to ALL of you amazing, kind and beautiful people! You are the best! It really saddens me to think that Take Me Home is over but it's been a ride!**

**So thank you all for reading and keep your eyes peeled for the sequel!**

**Shiri xo**


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